'I hate that part'

I'm a fighter but sometimes it gets me too - I can keep myself together and encourage everyone around for so long but then suddenly I'll break down. And what I really hate is that itchy feeling in my eyes - that one right before tears start filling them up. The ever more absurd thing is that I get down so easily by slight embarrassment or tiny situation which did not go the way I planned. Ah, now I remember why I started hating planning and refused to do it - it is simply disappointing because, come on, how many of your plans do actually materialize in that same way you imagined them in your head? So, okay, planning sux, I won't do it, so I guess I'll be safe. What about embarrassments? You cannot protect yourself from them. They happen and weirdly enough they feel as bad as if you have just fallen on your face in the middle of some central city square, almost every time, almost regardless of their nature and fatality. What am I to do then; how do I deal with darned embarrassment issue? Should I put my guard down? Should I feel shit for the rest of the week (just for the record - it's only Monday!)? I know what I need ... A good laugh with someone fun' n 'funny! Anyone?

The Way...Back

I guess I believe in second chances. Sure, it depends on the circumstances and subjects involved but still it is good policy. I decided to give Malta a second chance and sure enough I am more than glad I did so!
See, the thing is that things can be so similar but yet so different at the same time. It all comes down to your own perception and motivation. If you are striving for something and you are enough motivated to go for it, then I believe you are pretty much on the way of getting it.
Experience, obviously, has its say too. I managed to take 14 flights across three particular countries in 8 months and eventually it just brought me back to where I started off.
It is so different though! Malta is different and yet the same - finally feels home! (I say 'finally' because I used to look for the 'home feeling' elsewhere not even a single thought crossing my mind that it can actually be Malta) I want to be different but yet still ME. Yes, in fact I would like to be the better ME and I will be! Determination is everything, right? :) I promise you this - this time around I won't look any place else and I won't whine around or try to escape as soon as problems come on the surface. No! I will stay put and be positive - if I could write it on my cv, then I could actually do it! To sum up, I will be a slightly grown-up version of myself and endure whatever there is to be endured in order to have the life I was seeking for so long.
So.. I guess you'd ask how does it feel to be back to the place which I used to hate and was so impatient to leave the second I could?! WELL, it feels GREAT, man! I am telling you.. I haven't felt that good in quite some time... good as in healthy state of the mind. When you have a good feeling about something, you relax and just enjoy the feeling. No stress:) That is me right now! I feel something good is on its way and I am simply preparing to embrace it and give it a good bear hug :-D And.. And I want to embrace anything else that I have simply thrown out during my 4-year stay and I mean it! I kinda feel as if I have been given a second chance and not the other way round! Is this destiny? It's interesting to note that I flew my way here a week or so before the volcano Island errupted! Get my point?
Im OFF now. Im just gonna go lie and chill listening to music and enjoying my feeling of satisfaction. Cheerz :D

Love = Loyalty = Love ?

It is incredible how we live life in a fast lane and never have the time to think about how fragile everything actually is.

Life is to be lived together with someone/s and not on our own.
When we find people we cherish and care about, we should never let go! No matter where they are, how they are, whom they are with, how stubborn they are, etc... Love equals loyalty and vice versa. We cannot claim that we love if we don't intend to be loyal, ForeveR! Of course we are all just human (you know what i mean). Loyalty in this case is implied in its stronger version which is namely mental and soul loyalty.

These are the secret messages that ''Hachiko - a dog's story'' sends out. A truly inspiring (maybe too simplistic at first sight) movie that tells the tale about man and his best friend - the dog. It is based on a true story which really happened during the 1920s in Japan and it reveals the strong connection that can exist between a man and a dog - i personally believe it is probably stronger than relations between people. Hachi gets so attached to its master that after his sudden death, the poor dog keeps on waiting for him on the same train station for nine years hoping it will see the day when he - The Master - will come out of the station gate AGAIN. This cute dog, an animal, manages to express better than any human how persons marking our hearts and lives stay with us forever, how lost we can be without them and how the severe pain of missing them wouldn't let us have a 'normal' life anymore.

I can only advise you to get a couple napkins and watch the movie.
I can only hope that this world needs more of those movies for romantic rather than simply 'reminding' reasons (reminding in the sense that they show us what we are supposed to be like, do and feel).

My final urge is the following: let's live in a way that we will not regret because 'tomorrow is never promised today' (quoting Alicia Keys - Like you'll never see me again) .. and please

Love Like You'll Never See each other Again..

When a journey is over

I can't help having mixed feelings now that the Green Light For Business Conference is all behind. 


Every journey is full of emotions, situations and various experiences - there will always be a couple of negative ones but most of them will be positive in one way or another. Why did i end up with this mix of satisfaction, happiness, frustration and apathy if the event was a success from a business and personal point of view? 

The day following the end of the Conference my skype's profile message has been set to 'back to life' but.. I would rather say that what has just finished was kind of LIFE. It felt like blood transfusion right when i so severely needed it! I am satisfied with myself and the work i managed to do/took part in; I am also more than satisfied for the fact that i got to know what my strengths are with respect to other teammates' skills; I am extremely satisfied knowing that i possess something more than others. Last but not least, I'm also satisfied because I discovered (things about) myself in a setting that has not occurred to me ever before.


Uhm, what was next on the list? Ah ye. 
I am happy, oh, so so happy it all happened to me - that i met all those people, spent time, shared knowledge (this is really too formally put) and had some fun along the way.

I am not having illusions though. 
I am not deluding myself with sorts of thoughts like 'now i have made friends'. At the same time, I would always secretly hope that this might actually be true. That is why I am frustrated - somehow I feel that we will not go to bars and discos together ot gather in someone's rented studio to just bullshit and laugh. I just don't see it coming. 
Obviously, one cannot force people to be his/her friends (okay, unless you are extremely rich or some mafia guy) so what do we do when nothing happens?
We move on and look AHEAD. What's good was good and noone can erase it (oh, except the Haitian from HEROES :P). 


No whining and crying, no, no. Life is about meeting people and having an impact. Even if this means you get to spend time with someone for 2 days only. You cannot or more like SHOULD NOT say NO to your opportunities to meet and impact just because it seems short and pointless or even worse - painful. You never know when and how this meeting, this tiny little moment of socializing and impacting will actually have its big impact on you. And it almost always does;]


What about apathy? Well, I'm just a human at the end and can't help being overhelmed by feelings, emotions and confusion sometimes, you know. All i need is some time to clear my head and think straight. When i do that, I will eventually realize all the good stuff - everything i've gained (which includes my first ever business card, yey!), all i've learnt AND  all pure goodness I've done for the sake of it without no material gain:) (there should always be such a component or otherwise stories will never have a good ending or at least they will not serve purpose as bedtime stories for our grandchildren).....

So here I am.. terminating the Green Light For Business Conference 2010. I won't fuss and I won't fight for what's been lost or for what has not happened. 
The END should be a good one, a good one. So walk away ... with your smile on .. this is how you will be remembered. 

HR - the story of a profession I DISlike

It’s full of ridiculous jobs out there, don't you think. The one that really thrills me - in the negative sense though - is HRs – be it HR Specialists or HR assistants or HR Managers.. What a senseless job is that!? Don’t get me wrong – I know there has to be SOMEONE to actually filter and select among people. But what is It exactly that they do and how awfully boring is it?? I mean, I just don’t get them.

What's with having to listen to people's trying-to-impress-you declarations of all sorts all day every day? How boring. And how useless (for urself a an HR I mean). How do you develop in this field? What do you expand on the 'knowledge' of asking questions and scribing down notes and then ANYWAY selecting randomly? I am very sorry but I really don't see the thrill, the great experience and the amazing career that is envisaged in all this, the HR career.

What's more, an HR's carma is probably not to be envied since they get cursed by so many, like, ALL THE TIME. Negative energy directed towards you is no joke especially when released by such a great amount of angry fellows. At the end, such a small fraction of people's lives will be positively changed by an HR during his/her lifetime career as such because you simply can't hire everyone. Rather the contrary, an HR is mainly busy with playing with ordinary people's hopes and dreams and then blowing them off.

Im writing this coz I've been advised to exploit the fact that the majority of job vacancies (donnow how but it's true!) are for HRs to at least enter in a company. Then I am supposed to somehow figure out a way to switch departments and find the right spot for me, once in.

I, as a numbers-oriented and brain-based activities person look at this proposal with such a disregard and even contempt that it almost looks like I'd rather consider a secretary job more seriously. I can't do it; I am not done for that, I don't even think I will be able to do it efficiently enough. Fuck, I'm being picky, am I not? Some say I'm too proud and will never find a job like that. Well, maybe they're right. Maybe they are NOT. Fifty-fiftyy. But if I turn out right, I will be happy that I didn't have to compromise myself, my beliefs and opinions. I am so stubborn, I know.

I know we need you to choose the best from the best. Let's hope you really intend and attempt to do that.

Sorry brilliant HR people (that I am sure some of you are); I just needed to release my anger on something/someone.

ABOUT LIFE'S PURPOSE

I saw this movie the other night (yup, here I go again with my movies but I do like watching movies) that had me thinking of what a person really wants to do and how much it differs from what he/she really does (in almost 90% of the cases.. my own estimation) in life. How many people do actually become what they once dreamt of when they were little kiddoes? I am even re-considering that 10% figure now.. Why do people work and do things that they do not like or hardly ever have actually dreamt of doing?

After all the crap I’ve been through/seen in my life, I learnt that only looking up to your dreams can take you out of the crap and make you move on.

Dreams have to be big. The reason for this is simple – the bigger the dream, the longer the road leading to it, hence, the farther from the crap we have got to go. And exactly this is the point of it – to bring us as far as possible from the ‘dark past’ and bring us ‘pink future’. Or at least any of its nuances. Is it possible though that our dreams are too big? What happens then?

They say that if you want something too much, then eventually you will have it. However, what has also become well-known is that usually people tend to obtain relatively easy the things they want relatively little and that we have to struggle almost infinitely in order to get what we really want. However, these two statements are not mutually exclusive but rather complementary. If you do want something that much, you will sacrifice some time and effort and go about it.

BUT still ..

What happens if I turn down too many of the relatively easy ‘opportunities’ in the hunt for THE ONE I want more than anything?

How long should we keep on looking and passing whatever’s in front of us just because of the belief we are destined for something else? What if we are just delusional.. What if we never really get to the point where we reach the OFFER of our life, the one that we always dreamt of? Am I going to regret throwing imperfect offers out the window? Am I going to be constantly chased by ghosts of past little mistakes?

I guess we all ask those same questions if we haven’t obtained that job that makes us the happiest people in the universe. At 23 (can’t believe I’m even saying this, I’m feeling so nineteen! ) I too got to the point (of no return) where I’m simply thinking and asking and talking to myself and all those processes directed to one particular thing in my mind – the JOB, the thing/activity I want to do. Because, you see, I do not want to work just for the sake of it – which I have to since I am completely income-less , I want to do something I LOVE. Might sound way too poetical but I believe that all the best things are done with love. Take babies for example! Ok, I drop the babies topic immediately, it was just an innocent exampleJ

So, what I’m saying is that we should not give up. Of course food is more important than love, but at the end love is the food for the soul.. and when this dies.. (sigh) We all know the end of this story.

I thought I had actually found the job I was destined for and the one I will probably spend a lifetime in - I was in fact envisioning myself at 40 yrs as a super HEAD of some department.

Building trajectories too early didn’t seem to work out good for me though. Boom-Bam .. and I got a negative call. Gosh, it was painful to see my trajectory fall apart and become just invisible dust. At the end, I guess this just wasn’t my destiny and that’s it. I have to think that or I am risking to completely fall apart; or becoming a secretary mastering the art of preparing espresso on a daily basis.

We have to safeguard our confidence no matter how small and miserable the circumstances make us feel. I will keep on looking up to my dreams and believe my vocation will soon unveil itself in front of my eyes.

And I am so eager to meet.

Little Christmassy Thoughts On Love

What is it with Christmas that is always so romantic and lovely? Despite the global financial crisis, everyone seemed to be all caught up in the Christmas fever – shopping, gift wrapping, decorating and Christmas-thinking in general. How does Christmas manage to turn all our thought towards love? And why is it that we remember love and all our loved ones exactly then – on Christmas?
I believe that everyone is in search for the answer of their lives. Somehow, most of us are looking forward to finding LOVE as the answer and somehow, around Christmas, the eagerness to find this answer becomes overwhelming. But what is love? How can we find it and how do we recognize it?
Love is not a thing we can see or spot when it passes us by. Love is more abstract and that is why it is much more beautiful than anything we are able to see or touch.
Love is the little sparkle that lights the fire in our hearts.
The goose bumps on your whole body when you hear/feel/think/dream/remember of something or somebody is still love.
Love is also the warmth we feel pouring into our hearts by just a glimpse at those loved ones’ eyes.
Love happens in many different kinds of ways but the one common thing is that when we love, the subjects of our feelings have so much power over us – they can make us the happiest people in the universe but with the same success can make us feel miserable.
Friends or more than friends – it doesn’t really matter; altogether they are the most important people in our lives. It’s those ones that keep on sticking around while we are acting clowns; those who keep us from breaking into million pieces. They are bigger…bigger than life itself because they are our life!
If those ones are our so-called LIFE support, then why do we constantly abandon them only to return on Christmas to pay our dues? During the year daily life struggles keep our minds focused on less important for our overall happiness thingies. Such thingies, we would realize one day, are simply tiny tests of our devotion to LOVE, RESPECT and JOY – the mix which is the scientifically proven key to happiness. Might sound a little hippy but .. YES, they knew (hippies I meant)! Moreover, what more do you need for Christmas than this magical trio – I hope you answered ‘noothin’ to yourself. If you did – I LIKE YOU.

MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR! And don’t forget to love, no matter what.