Friday, February 17, 2012

The importance of Closure

I had the strangest dream a couple of nights ago, a dream which made me wake up in the middle of the night shaking, sweating and more than shocked. Why had I dreamt of him?
First thing I felt when I woke up - after the initial shock - was guilt and confusion. Yes, I had dreamt of an ex-boyfriend. That dream made me feel unfaithful even if it was nothing like that (yep, nothing hot, I promise!). How come it was so powerful even if so subtle?
Even more strange - the night after I dreamt of another eX.. but that was different. I woke up very well, light  and somehow with a smile on. What was happening? Was my subconsciousness trying to point out something?
It should be screaming something loud but oddly coded if it made me dream once more of that same person who woke me in panic just a couple of nights before that.

I definitely do not miss those guys and most certainly have no feelings whatsoever towards them. Is the fact that one relationship ended up without having any 'let's sit and talk this over'- phase had something to do?
When I thought about it more carefully, it suddenly struck me that my last four (at least) relationships have ended with no closure, one way or another it seems that I chose so. Was I doing it because I simply thought it is better? Almost certainly yes. Was it really the best solution? Almost certainly not. What did i do wrong then? Nothing much BESIDES avoiding closure.

It is regardless really of the side of the equation you end up being at - the one left or 'the left-ee' (not quite sure whether my word-construction exercise is working out so just to clear it out the second side is the one WHO left.) At the particular point in time we somehow tend to think (i.e. our mind plays wicked games with us and tricks us into thinking that) we are better off switching our cell phones off/ hiding/ ripping up photos, any left belongings, etc. (extreme cases but they say it works). Put more formally, in general it mainly consists of persistent avoidance of that person and anything linked to them in any way on Earth possible.
There are plenty of reasons one can list justifying such behavior and we all know it - we have to be strong, move on, pretend as if nothing happened, forget about it, etc. etc. That is not what I am interested in. I wish to find out why this is not the best (long-term-wise) solution.

As they say one has to face their Demons to get rid of them. In no way here I am depicting your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend as a Demon.
Those are the fears, always bugging questions and why-s related to that person. And those will not just disappear, believe me. We might think they have vanished but in reality they can only be buried inside of us until settled.
Sooner or later they have to be, don't they? I guess what I'm trying to say here is that we better gulp down and settle what needs to be settled and solve what needs to be solved till the end right there at the spot. You wouldn't like to wake up in a hysteric panic a year after and wonder why this nightmares keep chasing you. I know.

As impossible as it always seems, I say we get real; stop hiding, face all that stuff we have going on in our heads that we have to face, get closure, we have to! You owe it to yourself, to set the account straight and get to peace at least in your head.

Wait, wait, as a matter of fact I think I finally got it - our brain is like a hard drive, stuffed with so many memories besides everything else. So we need to make some space from time to time, right? We don't need to erase really but archive, put all burdening and heavy memories in a box in a corner of our mind so we can free some needed space for the great new. I am quite convinced this is the point of 'you have no free space left' that I find myself in right now and my brain is alarming me. Girl, you better clear all the clutter and get ready to fill that space with some shiny new amazing moments!

We have to...
Easy said, right?