Monday, April 26, 2010

'I hate that part'

I'm a fighter but sometimes it gets me too - I can keep myself together and encourage everyone around for so long but then suddenly I'll break down. And what I really hate is that itchy feeling in my eyes - that one right before tears start filling them up. The ever more absurd thing is that I get down so easily by slight embarrassment or tiny situation which did not go the way I planned. Ah, now I remember why I started hating planning and refused to do it - it is simply disappointing because, come on, how many of your plans do actually materialize in that same way you imagined them in your head? So, okay, planning sux, I won't do it, so I guess I'll be safe. What about embarrassments? You cannot protect yourself from them. They happen and weirdly enough they feel as bad as if you have just fallen on your face in the middle of some central city square, almost every time, almost regardless of their nature and fatality. What am I to do then; how do I deal with darned embarrassment issue? Should I put my guard down? Should I feel shit for the rest of the week (just for the record - it's only Monday!)? I know what I need ... A good laugh with someone fun' n 'funny! Anyone?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Way...Back

I guess I believe in second chances. Sure, it depends on the circumstances and subjects involved but still it is good policy. I decided to give Malta a second chance and sure enough I am more than glad I did so!
See, the thing is that things can be so similar but yet so different at the same time. It all comes down to your own perception and motivation. If you are striving for something and you are enough motivated to go for it, then I believe you are pretty much on the way of getting it.
Experience, obviously, has its say too. I managed to take 14 flights across three particular countries in 8 months and eventually it just brought me back to where I started off.
It is so different though! Malta is different and yet the same - finally feels home! (I say 'finally' because I used to look for the 'home feeling' elsewhere not even a single thought crossing my mind that it can actually be Malta) I want to be different but yet still ME. Yes, in fact I would like to be the better ME and I will be! Determination is everything, right? :) I promise you this - this time around I won't look any place else and I won't whine around or try to escape as soon as problems come on the surface. No! I will stay put and be positive - if I could write it on my cv, then I could actually do it! To sum up, I will be a slightly grown-up version of myself and endure whatever there is to be endured in order to have the life I was seeking for so long.
So.. I guess you'd ask how does it feel to be back to the place which I used to hate and was so impatient to leave the second I could?! WELL, it feels GREAT, man! I am telling you.. I haven't felt that good in quite some time... good as in healthy state of the mind. When you have a good feeling about something, you relax and just enjoy the feeling. No stress:) That is me right now! I feel something good is on its way and I am simply preparing to embrace it and give it a good bear hug :-D And.. And I want to embrace anything else that I have simply thrown out during my 4-year stay and I mean it! I kinda feel as if I have been given a second chance and not the other way round! Is this destiny? It's interesting to note that I flew my way here a week or so before the volcano Island errupted! Get my point?
Im OFF now. Im just gonna go lie and chill listening to music and enjoying my feeling of satisfaction. Cheerz :D