Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I believe that everyone is in search for the answer of their lives. Somehow, most of us are looking forward to finding LOVE as the answer and somehow, around Christmas, the eagerness to find this answer becomes overwhelming. But what is love? How can we find it and how do we recognize it?
Love is not a thing we can see or spot when it passes us by. Love is more abstract and that is why it is much more beautiful than anything we are able to see or touch.
Love is the little sparkle that lights the fire in our hearts.
The goose bumps on your whole body when you hear/feel/think/dream/remember of something or somebody is still love.
Love is also the warmth we feel pouring into our hearts by just a glimpse at those loved ones’ eyes.
Love happens in many different kinds of ways but the one common thing is that when we love, the subjects of our feelings have so much power over us – they can make us the happiest people in the universe but with the same success can make us feel miserable.
Friends or more than friends – it doesn’t really matter; altogether they are the most important people in our lives. It’s those ones that keep on sticking around while we are acting clowns; those who keep us from breaking into million pieces. They are bigger…bigger than life itself because they are our life!
If those ones are our so-called LIFE support, then why do we constantly abandon them only to return on Christmas to pay our dues? During the year daily life struggles keep our minds focused on less important for our overall happiness thingies. Such thingies, we would realize one day, are simply tiny tests of our devotion to LOVE, RESPECT and JOY – the mix which is the scientifically proven key to happiness. Might sound a little hippy but .. YES, they knew (hippies I meant)! Moreover, what more do you need for Christmas than this magical trio – I hope you answered ‘noothin’ to yourself. If you did – I LIKE YOU.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
More than 30 minutes passed since I finished watching that documentary titled 'Collapse' but I just can't concentrate on doing anything but thinking about it and everything I heard and saw in it.
Apparently, 'Collapse' centers around the recent financial and consequential economic collapse we all have been 'lucky' to witness. Only an year ago, while I was at the beginning of my last year of my Bachelors, all this, this ‘phenomena’ was simply exciting to study about. Every day was something new; something crazy and usually with enormous impact was happening out there. The fact that it was ‘out there’ and not ‘here where I am’ meant that we could not take those events as seriously as actual sufferers ‘out there’. This whole situation seems to have changed with the speed of a blink of an eye. The intriguing lectures which kept me going to school every day are now mass media – a terrifying one rather than exciting. The financial crisis spilled to almost every important aspect of our life leading us to a condition similar to a GREAT DEPRESSION. The horrific truth however is that this condition is not going to just go away or simply pass with time – in 2 years like people were hoping. According to the documentary – which laid amazing insights about the stories behind other great controversies like the war in IRAQ - this is a turning point for the whole world and for humanity as a whole. A phrase that I made sure I remember from the movie was: Love for money is the root to evil. And it is the love for money that has the potential to render extinct the entire human race. At first it might sound shocking and overstated. But then if you keep thinking on it for a couple of moments, you get to realize how true this statement is and it starts freaking you out!
We have reached the turning point.. okay.. so what now? NOW we – the human race – have to face Earth and reconnect with it. Yes, I mean going back to basics in order to survive. We have to, no, we MUST cut down on all that expense and waste that modern society is linked with and, as the documentary points out, we need to grow crops in our backyards. This is not funny at all – we need to do it in order to have something to eat when food supplies in all those fancy supermarkets deplete and we end up one day living a nightmare of a supermarket with all empty shelves. If we do not save ourselves from what we have become, then we cannot save the planet which will simply lead to the termination our species.
For sure I know one thing that I am definitely doing - going to my village and asking my grandparents to teach me how to grow things. I am more than sure it will prove useful in the blurry future to come.
So throw away those posh clothes, iphones and fancy accessories and get back to nature. Our survival is as stake!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Okay, so here’s the thing: I’ve been living here with my boyfriend but still hasn’t been out to meet his friends and colleagues. Yes, I know it’s more than weird but there are – as they always are – plenty of reasons for this. I’ll make this piece more readable by dropping all those reasons and getting to the point.
And the point is the following: when he comes home and tells me they can’t wait to meet me and talk about all the time it leaves me quite confused. Is it supposed to make me feel flattered and interesting? But they can’t know I’m interesting so… what is it? I am exotic then. Like an exotic fruit – mango, pineapple and papaya. What does the Dictionary have to say for ‘Exotic’?
1. From another part of the world; foreign.
2. Intriguingly unusual or different; excitingly strange.
I do believe I’m both in this situation and probably always since I have problems fitting in the ordinariness of any single country.
But I still vividly remember my reaction after finally getting hold of a mango – which was about 4 years ago – and not obtaining the satisfaction I always thought I would from such an EXOTIC fruit. Hence, exotic does not necessarily mean good at the end.
Having a monkey and a parrot in your house is considered exotic too. Am I to feel like a monkey serving as a pure show off to his owner?
Yeah, I know it’s not like that and that they are gonna love me. But what if they don’t? They have to, for him; they have to like me so that he is happy, no? I know this shouldn’t feel that awkward after I’ve been through the meeting with his family and all his closest friends. So what is it then?
I guess I’m just not too sure what to wear… I’m off to raiding my closet and making it certain I’ll look stunning .. or at least exotic?… and I’ll behave, I promise Let’s see how satisfying is my exoticness.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
People are strange creatures, probably the strangest of all. After years of detailed exploration and study of their behavior, you could still end up being surprised by some bizarre and out-of-the-ordinary plus occasionally not-making-any-sense behavior. What a mixture, ha?
Well, when do we say ENOUGH is ENOUGH? Is one ‘ENOUGH’ ENOUGH though? It would be very simple and easy for us humans – especially the ones who try to put some sense in things – to be able to say ‘ENOUGH!’ and really go on without a single thought to it or backward glimpse. Are there any people out there you can’t get your head round? Then you know what I’m talking about. Exactly when you’ve made that tough but firm decision to say aloud ENOUGH, they would pop up just to test you – you and your honesty with your own self. No, they don’t want anything in particular. These people just want to bug you out and make you feel bad with yourself. So here you are again – nibbling at the bait in an attempt to establish communication or any normal kind of relation till it all comes back to the same situation where you have to say ENOUGH for 6-8-13-234-th time in order to feel OK. So there you are – lying to yourself on a daily basis. What a weak ass I would say. The thing is that I WOULD say this if I was eighteen again. It is remarkable how during our childhood and adolescence we are capable of being absolutely firm and definitive in our childish decisions and then the more we grow, the weaker we become with respect to final decisions and judgment – each time we try to find the way to compromise and excuse. This, on the other hand, is the road to becoming HUMAN rather than a little egocentric piece of a person.
To get down to it: Is it innocent to be naïve or it is naïve to be innocent? Put in other words, should we really ‘grow’ and try to become BETTER humans by forever believing that the good in people will prevail, or we are simply nibbling at that bait which will eventually lead to us been grilled and eaten up (*am I too stuck on this fish metaphor or what?*)!?
Now I know I’m growing up because – as much as I’m hating and trying to oppose it - I’m turning into a ‘weak ass’. What to do? I’m saying ENOUGH, again. But I promise I’ll be giving myself a little ‘SLAP-treat’ the next time I even dare to think of going beyond it.
Friday, October 23, 2009
One thinks that four years is a crazy long period of time. To be even more precise, one is absolutely sure that four years will be more than enough to do everything and then still have half of the time at hand to wonder what ON EARTH to do. This, however, is an absurd illusion which we are capable of stating as such only after we have actually seen those four years pass us by like a Porsche leaving just dust behind. Why did time fly by without indicating its speed? Eventually we find out that we haven’t really done it all like we initially expected, pardon me, we were certain. What happened?
One thinks that four years is a crazy long period of time to spend on a ‘rock’ (i.e. rude for ‘rocky island’). But what if that ‘rock’ presents you with some great opportunities and experiences that can be the cornerstone of your life? What if you didn’t realize this in time but only when it was too late? What if we had a lot of fun but spent too much time having that fun with the wrong people? What if you met the wrong people because you weren’t at the right places to meet the right ones? What would the present look like if you had met those right people at the right time? What if you met the right people but never gave them much importance so never got to know them better as you now wish you could? What if you know now what to say and you didn’t know then? What if you didn’t want THAT something/someone to be close back then but now you want it badly? What if we missed so many of those things which are offered to us once-per-lifetime and we regret that every single day? Do we keep hanging in? Not much choice in here. All that is left for me now is to:
· hope I did enough during those four years
· look forward to the next four
· try to ensure I ‘did my homework’ and take every chance I get
Clearly, people tend to concentrate on how long a certain period of time is and now on what one can do with it in order to use it to his/her best advantage. Time is limited. At least us individuals’ time is surely limited. I know it’s a banal expression but please DO NOT TAKE TIME FOR GRANTED. Cherish every moment and make most of it. You would follow this advice if you don’t want to miss opportunities and desire a rich and fulfilling life. I know that’s what I want.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Some memories will be too real – you know when you get the goose bumps from just a sound that reminds you of something but so strongly that you almost feel right there, back in time. I am having the goose bumps right now myself! Why is it that some of those lively memories seem like they are fake and they haven’t really happened? Those are the memories that are too good to bear.. everything back then was too good and now seems an illusion because you don’t even imagine this as being reality. Probably because it can’t and it is certain that it never will be, not again, not in the same way as before. When we realize that, our brain starts recalling those ‘ fake memories’ (which are real but we just explained why they are ‘fake’) in such a way that they look like scenes from a movie. I have plenty of such memories.
To be true, most of my good ones are of such a kind. This at times (who am I lying to.. ALWAYS!) can prove to be a bad thing. Yes, bad, very bad, and make you suffer quite a lot because you remember this .. let’s call it ‘MEMORY’ .. and you feel so relaxed and it’s so good.. you have turned back time and are living it all over again, that moment/that heavenly situation/that cup of tea with someone with big S/whatever else be it. It is all so intense and colourful that when you open your eyes by mistake you can’t remember where exactly you are. What is this place, where am I? – you ask yourself. ‘Ooh, sh**! I am back to reality, no, no, no!’ You don’t hesitate and close your eyes as fast as you can... but it’s all gone. It is exactly this feeling that I really hate – looking down confused and feeling so miserable and sad. This is not because you don’t like where you are at right now, no, not at all, or at least not necessarily. You clearly realize though that what was WAS and never will be.
What should we do when thoughts overwhelm us and we can’t figure what exactly to do next?! Never think about this memory again? But how do I do this? You know what? Instead of wishing there was a magic or enchanted antidote that we could just drink and let go of these making-us-feel-bad memories, let’s just be happy they are real memories and they did happen to US and us only in that heavenly kind of way we remember them.
Sometimes i just sit and wait.. wait for the memories to come into my mind. Coz i like to remember things. Which is mainly because i tend to remember just the good stuff.
That’s probably a self-defense mechanism – let me dig a big hole and put everything bad to rest in there, then pile it up with a bunch of stones to cover it all up so that just good memories can make their way to the mind without any obstacles. I mean, there will be only good ones left then so you will inevitably remember just them.
However, remembering the bad can happen but only if u really insist on digging up again into the hole to search for that particular bad memory. I do this sometimes... but i would like to stop.
Past is never pink as we tend to imagine it after it has past. But when i start lookin back i start smiling without even realizing it. It’s funny when my roommate will turn her head and look at me with that questioning look asking if im all right. Oh, yes, i am all right. I like this backward ride so much since it makes me feel young again and happy coz of all that i have witnessed. Then there are so many things you will connect with other many things and you will get the whole picture which will unfold itself with all the faces, colours and emotions and you end up in a completely distant and brighter place than where you actually are (the bed in the room, as is my case) – in a memory!
That is why i like dreaming so much! I dream all the time.. everything.. anybody ... seriously! Sometimes i even wake up and pray for me to stop dreaming coz it is exhausting! It really is.. dreaming every night crazy weird things.. sometimes very terrifying and depressing. But then.. there are the cool dreams.. that i would like to repeat the night after or go to bed immediately after i woke up in order to continue them! I really love those ones.. Sometimes they are so real that i can even feel in them. Such dreams are almost better than reality..
You never know what future can bring. But you might just have an idea. And then when you see that this idea is starting to materialize in actual reality, you are shocked and your heart starts jumping and bumping everywhere in your chest! That’s what happened to me! I am not certain of whether past or dreams had more influence but they certainly did...