About the memory pile-up & DREAMS (Note: something i have written 2 yrs ago)

Sometimes i just sit and wait.. wait for the memories to come into my mind. Coz i like to remember things. Which is mainly because i tend to remember just the good stuff.

That’s probably a self-defense mechanism – let me dig a big hole and put everything bad to rest in there, then pile it up with a bunch of stones to cover it all up so that just good memories can make their way to the mind without any obstacles. I mean, there will be only good ones left then so you will inevitably remember just them.

However, remembering the bad can happen but only if u really insist on digging up again into the hole to search for that particular bad memory. I do this sometimes... but i would like to stop.

Past is never pink as we tend to imagine it after it has past. But when i start lookin back i start smiling without even realizing it. It’s funny when my roommate will turn her head and look at me with that questioning look asking if im all right. Oh, yes, i am all right. I like this backward ride so much since it makes me feel young again and happy coz of all that i have witnessed. Then there are so many things you will connect with other many things and you will get the whole picture which will unfold itself with all the faces, colours and emotions and you end up in a completely distant and brighter place than where you actually are (the bed in the room, as is my case) – in a memory!

That is why i like dreaming so much! I dream all the time.. everything.. anybody ... seriously! Sometimes i even wake up and pray for me to stop dreaming coz it is exhausting! It really is.. dreaming every night crazy weird things.. sometimes very terrifying and depressing. But then.. there are the cool dreams.. that i would like to repeat the night after or go to bed immediately after i woke up in order to continue them! I really love those ones.. Sometimes they are so real that i can even feel in them. Such dreams are almost better than reality..

You never know what future can bring. But you might just have an idea. And then when you see that this idea is starting to materialize in actual reality, you are shocked and your heart starts jumping and bumping everywhere in your chest! That’s what happened to me! I am not certain of whether past or dreams had more influence but they certainly did...