Monday, October 19, 2009

Memories (continuation of a thought with big T which apparently began 2yrs ago)

I love memories. Here I am talking about the good ones, of course. I am not that masochist as to like bad memories. I can’t say I aim at erasing them from my head either but certainly I do not love recalling them. Good memories, on the other hand, are so good that you need to lie down or sit back, relax, close eyes and then start the journey through your mind, a journey that will take you where you once were and where you would like to be right now.
Some memories will be too real – you know when you get the goose bumps from just a sound that reminds you of something but so strongly that you almost feel right there, back in time. I am having the goose bumps right now myself! Why is it that some of those lively memories seem like they are fake and they haven’t really happened? Those are the memories that are too good to bear.. everything back then was too good and now seems an illusion because you don’t even imagine this as being reality. Probably because it can’t and it is certain that it never will be, not again, not in the same way as before. When we realize that, our brain starts recalling those ‘ fake memories’ (which are real but we just explained why they are ‘fake’) in such a way that they look like scenes from a movie. I have plenty of such memories.
To be true, most of my good ones are of such a kind. This at times (who am I lying to.. ALWAYS!) can prove to be a bad thing. Yes, bad, very bad, and make you suffer quite a lot because you remember this .. let’s call it ‘MEMORY’ .. and you feel so relaxed and it’s so good.. you have turned back time and are living it all over again, that moment/that heavenly situation/that cup of tea with someone with big S/whatever else be it. It is all so intense and colourful that when you open your eyes by mistake you can’t remember where exactly you are. What is this place, where am I? – you ask yourself. ‘Ooh, sh**! I am back to reality, no, no, no!’ You don’t hesitate and close your eyes as fast as you can... but it’s all gone. It is exactly this feeling that I really hate – looking down confused and feeling so miserable and sad. This is not because you don’t like where you are at right now, no, not at all, or at least not necessarily. You clearly realize though that what was WAS and never will be.
What should we do when thoughts overwhelm us and we can’t figure what exactly to do next?! Never think about this memory again? But how do I do this? You know what? Instead of wishing there was a magic or enchanted antidote that we could just drink and let go of these making-us-feel-bad memories, let’s just be happy they are real memories and they did happen to US and us only in that heavenly kind of way we remember them.


  1. "That is why i like dreaming so much! I dream all the time.. everything.. anybody ... seriously!" - the highlight of the post in my opinion. So, five days ago I read The Black Book (really strange Bulgarian writing with white characters on black pages). The book presents alternative view to our life, mind, thoughs, fantasies etc. This original combination between theological, philosophical, linguistic, phychological and physical paradigms really impressed me. But let say what I have to say - so in this book there is statement that our mind, our brain does not make any differences between the present view through our eyes, the memories and the fantasies. The particular parts of our brain react equally to happy present moments, wonderful expiriences in our past and dreaming thoughts for our future. That is why you must keep dreaming and recover your REAL good times:)
    I do not know why but this fucking site do not allow me to undersign my name and blog -

  2. Thank YOU, thank YOU very much dear reader for the first ever comment on my newborn blog:) I guess I will try to get hold of this book next time I come home.


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