Fear vs. Love

We are CONDITIONED (and I'd like to highlight this word as much as I can) to 'think' that fear and love are antonyms, the opposite sides of a coin, 180 degrees far off.  

But hey, I've a revelation to offer you right this second: Fear and Love are not the opposite sides of a coin; instead, they are one and the same thing seen from a different angle. And you yourself are the only one who's got the power to change the angle. The question is: Why would you and why do you?

When you love, you simply love - without any further thoughts, considerations, expectations, conditions, circumstances. When any of these ‘bad boys’ come into the picture though, love begins to step backwards and fear starts to settle in. This unfortunate transition is quite easy to spot in today’s relationships. People tend to fear of losing their loved one to someone else, of boredom settling in, etc. As soon as we start to fear, we start to act differently and this is immediately felt by the other side in the equation. This change in mental predisposition and attitude is what eventually changes everything and usually materializes those same fears. Do not get into that vicious circle, I beg you. I had to learn the hard way - even though I trust all hardships are simply exercises to make us better and stronger. Love without anything further or in between; no need to fear.  

Almost identical… but not so much - the topic of suffering. 

I read today the following which completely resonates with my recent discoveries: Suffering is the result of clinging. Clinging as in holding on to something to the point of desperation. Remember this: you can’t cling forever, it gets tiresome and you would have to let go, one way or another. Let go now, take a leap of faith, win more and lose less by letting time and space offer you new horizons. Stop clinging to one thing. It is like eating only potatoes, how long will you be able to sustain this?  

Very related to fear is of course worry so I feel the need to touch up on this too. Similarly to fear and clinging, worry is useless. Why? Because worrying is practically equal to planning for a negative future. All that worrying can do it shift your focus so that you no longer pay attention to the good stuff happening around you that deserve celebration. It has been said a million times, but doesn’t hurt to repeat this once again: worrying today does not take your troubles away, it only takes today’s peace away.

Think positive and look for positive in order to truly FIND positive. And yes, it does works. Just try it! 

My Valentine

It was Valentine's Day yesterday! I hope you had a wonderful one. Whether you spent it with your better half, a friend, family or simply spoiling yourself, all that matters is that you felt and spread love.

Here is what hubby and I did: we took a trip... To somewhere! Unknown! Without knowing what our final destination is, we hit the road and drove in a certain direction, leaving it completely to our intuition to guide us. And it was the perfect occasion to leave the so very common need to control out of the picture. We wanted spontaneity, we wished for non-conventional and different. And for something very us - so we went for a walk through the woods, did yoga on a sunny meadow, cuddled by a river and gazed at a small picturesque waterfall. Then simply by chance (or not?!), we ended up in front of a monument from 4th century. It was like we found our own treasure and we couldn't take our eyes off it. After we finally did, we kept on driving until we found ourselves at a point where we had to choose a town to stay the night. We didn't really have to ponder much as the right choice was laid out before us, literally, in the form of a road sign saying 'Koprivshtitsa'. Koprivshtitsa is the name of a historical town which was the epicenter of the revolutionary movements aimed at Bulgaria's freedom almost 2 centuries ago. Such an energized place; it can make every Bulgarian feel proud of our origins.

What else did we do there besides the tourist must-dos? Weeeeellll, we finally gave acro yoga a try! Something we've been prepping for a while now. How it was? As one can imagine - super-boosting and it gave us wings! We will surely be practising more of this exciting branch of yoga on a side, wish us luck :)
Warning: Do not try this at home unless you have a consistent and regular practice and have built a strong core.

So, would you also like try acro yoga?

Openness, Pure Love & Friendships

I figured out something else this evening. And this is how it happened.

It's been hard for me to study these couple of days. I tend to have my focus somewhere else - the inner me, feelings about the world, yoga. Therefore, it was quote painless to convince myself to take my mom to the international movie festival happening in town. And so we went. And remained there for 4 hours; and yes, it was that good. First, we saw an Estonian movie about a so called 'crazy' girl (she doesn't speak to people) who falls in love with the town's drunk and playboy but when one night she disappears with him, everyone turns against him viewing her as the victim of his lustful abuse. Then, we saw a movie from Denmark telling the story of an innocent man accused of molesting a child which happens to be his best friend's daughter whom he takes care of in the kindergarten. Both movies were very powerful and moving, and yes, I shed some tears.

What moved me so much were the simple things things the stories revolved around  - pure love and best friendships built over many years. These two are probably the strongest forces there are out there, we just need to use them as prescribed.
I didn't want to come home but we did so then I remained on the balcony for a good 25 minutes staring at the gloom, cars, rain, the little lights. I eyed quickly the balconies of the blocks nearby to see if there was anyone else out there, sunk in thoughts inspired by the world outside. Shockingly, or not, there were 3 more souls out there, smoking cigarettes, one standing and the other 2 seated with their head resting on their fist. I caught myself wondering whether this is the breed of thinkers left in here - a few smokers and a lost-in-the-movies girl who quite often feels out of space. Where are all the others and what are they doing? Probably mundane daily things - like watching the news, having a beer, washing the dishes. Nothing should be accepted as mundane though as then it impacts our perception and one day we end up perceiving the people we see/are in touch with daily as mundane and tedious. How to counter this? I got it: by being OPEN!

Not sure whether it was the movies or the rain (it tends to have that effect on me) or the lack of sleep lately but I felt a wave of gratitude over me for the pure love and best friendships that I have had and have and will have. I am open about it and wish to remain so. So I told them right away. Please don't keep it in, share, share, and let them others do their skeptical grimaces. From all I know this world is in a desperate need of pure love and best friendships. And the way I see it, it should never be enough or too much to tell the people who make your existence worthwhile how you feel. Do it now. Do it every day.

Peace. & Love

Road writings

I feel it now, the thing everyone talks about and we all aspire to have. Freedom is so inspiring. It feels as if the sun is always shining, even at night, even when it is raining. The freedom to miss a bus and hop on the next one. The freedom to dance on the last seat of that bus without being bothered whether someone sees. The freedom to roll and lie on the crispy green grass meadows even if you are no longer 5 years old. Freedom is enjoying every single thing, word, noise, touch, smell, feeling; nothing taken for granted, everything accepted as is. It is truly liberating this not-taking-things-seriously and being busy feeling life but you will not believe me until you try it. And when you do, I promise you will be high for this sensational melting feeling.

Am I going crazy or ever more sane? I feel the bliss for finally experiencing what life should be about - joy from simply being. Seeing a tree and being happy for it is there in front of me; loving playing with the kitty for it is another joyful careless being; smiling back at fierce critics for it is the way to fight them back with no harm and show a higher state of mind. No, I am not a superhero but I detect and can breakaway the mental prison walls we all build. At least I try, I need your help as it will come from within. Do you want it?



Liberty, freedom, space, sweet emptiness = all words describing the one and only peace of mind. And your heart, what about the heart's peace you would ask? Once you calm your mind it will transfer to your heart filling it up with love and appreciation for the moment. You'd wish to spread wings and hug the world, embrace the beauty of silence and gaze in people's eyes to feel their energy. Feel, it is how we know we are alive!!!

Relation-ships

I skyped with a special friend of mine some time ago and it made me realize something as big as shocking - that there is probably a maximum of 3 persons in my life whom I can be completely and fully open and myself with and not try to pretend anything or play games. Yeah, games are fun... when you are eighteen. From then on why play? It is so burdensome this whole pretentious image-building exercise but yet everyone keeps on acting on a daily basis. This is so twisted..

As twisted a it is, it appears that playing games is a well-approved of strategy to go about getting laid, getting a guy/girl, one day hopefully this leading to an actual relationship, wedding, kids. The rest I am sure you know for yourselves. How exactly is me pretending to be somebody else rather than myself going to get me to the point of committing to someone else because I am his other half? Doesn't it sound all crazy?

Relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, girlfriends, boyfriends, marriage - everyone's got something to say about it. But who really says anything and who's got the right to say something? Apparently single people are no good in this society (at least that's the public view, that same pretentious Public). Odd, having in mind that most of all those 'couples' out there are either not for each other - whatever that implies as per The Public; either playing games for the sake of it or simply being 'together' in order to BE because they are scared of being lonely. My question is: Why do people get on that ship, without being sure they have got a ticket?

First of all, why would I want someone, just anyone, by my side like an accessory? I would rather get a bag with the same effect, wouldn't I? You realize how superficial people's perspective on relationships is especially when they come to you and pop up the ever so annoying question: 'Is it serious?!' The word serious can be defined in so many ways, and yet, I can hardly think of anyone who refers to something else than 'serious as in ready for marriage and all that follows'. Why is this all that counts in this society? It doesn't matter whether one has a deep connection or cherishes the one next to them on a higher level?
One thing is for certain: If I want someone by my side, this someone has to erase everything else and give new meaning to things. He will show me another side of life which I never knew before, he would make me feel safe, grateful, good, enlightened.

It's only when I lose myself with someone else that I find myself.
Probably my favourite song of Depeche Mode; possibly the truest statement ever. Why? Many think that self-exploration comes with solitude and too much time spent on digging deep down within to understand yourself. Which is indeed correct.

There is only so much however to the lone discovery of the self, it is limited so you can't really obtain the thorough widescreen perspective of your self which was your initial intention. What then?
I have discovered just recently that one only finds themselves when they actually lose themselves with someone else. Yeah, exactly how complicated does that sound. Believe me, it isn't really. There is one big obstacle to reaching this and if you manage to go beyond it, your quest is almost solved. This great hurdle is the inability or more the fear of letting go one's self when being with someone, letting go of all controls, all what if-s, brakes or step backs in one's head.

What do you get? I knew you were going to ask that question since all of us humans are get-oriented, we hardly do things for the sake of it; I am assuming that maths in our head is very strongly planted. Back to the prize - you will get to experience something amazing, something so magical it is hard if not impossible to explain with words. From my experience it is as if your soul connects with this other person's soul and you end up feeling something so strong and pulling as if you have two souls. It probably sounds nuts what you are reading, only until  the moment you actually feel it and then there will be no mistake, you will recognize it!

How is all this going to end? Everybody wants to know, in advance. But you cannot, and you'd better not! No one can possibly foresee the future (yep, I do not quite believe in Nostradamus) and this is our blessing! Should we have known something will not last, we would not have started it in the first place and would have never gone through the joy and passion and soul connection that we have experienced. I/We are already lucky, you know, most humans never really got that far - to know this side of themselves. So spread your arms wide people and embrace a true connection!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGkbuptJo2I&ob=av2e

Sincerely yours,
Me

After the fall, I hear music

A friend of mine recently made a statement about me which doesn't seem to get out of my head. What he said was that I simply cannot stand silence. He dared me to stay in silence and peace and quiet to prove him wrong. Well, I couldn't!
Even though it is true that i never put my headphones away - except while sleeping and even then somehow I dream with music and random songs keep playing in my head - I wouldn't really agree with that statement. Or am i just afraid to actually admit the facts? And what if I don't like silence? Or maybe I like silence but I like music better?!

About MUSIC
Music is my way out of everything, my way to feel and feel good so why would I intentionally put a halt to this, right? Music helps me be me and see the world and even paint it in colour. It makes me forget, it makes me fly (I could probably make a song out this too haha). Some would argue that love is bigger than music and more efficient when it comes to making people fly in the skies. Music, however, is always there and won't lie to you. Or get tired of you. Or substitute you. Eternal love? Is it a myth? My opinion is that nothing is forever. I might be wrong though. Let me elaborate on that.

KEEPERS
Probably he is right though, my friend, with regards to my unease with silence. It is a well-known fact that I have a problem facing 'accusations' like this and an even bigger one in admitting such as non-fictional and rather true. Nevertheless, all this served to point out something very important to me. I asked myself why did he think of that and how could he know it and here is where I realized I am so damn lucky to have people who know me better than I know myself.
All those people are keepers.

You'd like to know who your real friends are? Do something incredibly stupid and then see who will still stand by you. Those are the people who have the guts to still love you and be there for you even when you are a complete jerk or act like a self-centered mean egoist. I would know. Yup, done all that. And they still love me and help me get up on my feet after every fall. Could that be eternal and a no-matter-what love? I hope so.
Love you guys!! xxx

Rubber ducks & the rush of blood to the head

I sell ducks for charity. I'm actually serious :) At the hotel we've been selling these little rubber ducklings in a pack of three for charity. A couple of nights ago, I have been told something that only made me think later on – ‘Maya, we’ve been selling so many ducks while you’re on shift!’. Is this a pure coincidence? Maybe it is, but maybe it isn’t. Maybe I remind people passing by the reception of goodness – yes, they do not know me but I guess my smile does the trick.

Probably it is more than that - I tend to spread my inner joy and energy and people relate that to goodness. Good thing, especially when it's for charity :) And why not spread that positive energy when I feel happy? Many look at me and wonder - what exactly is she so happy about; it is like there always has to be something major to make us happy. Can't we just be? To me, every day there is a reason to smile; we either have it (the reason) or we make one, the botton line being smiling and just being happy to be. It is not that hard really, it all comes down to mastering your thoughts and setting up your mind in the right direction.
Well, after all, maybe I've got a reason to smile - or maybe I have decided it will be one of my reasons. Sometimes though I sit and wonder: Have I rushed into something too soon too fast? How could I know the answer to this? I surely could not when the rush of blood to my head was on. But the rush is healthy, you know - adrenaline goes up, you boost with energy, you get the feeling of lively and cheerful joy. What's not to like??

 I saw Eat.Pray.Love the other day. I was lying in my huge bed covered with my two soft duvets and hugging my two bears (the cutest soft toys in the world). Let me not skip the part where I did not stop eating practically anything for like 2 hours. Sounds like almost perfect Heaven? It was. I felt so relaxed that it made me think about how crazy I have been acting recently. So here comes my big conclusion: Apparently, at some point (during the rush) the fear of losing ground and so much sought after balance starts surfacing. What the movie came up with is that sometimes, however, losing balance for love is just part of living well. Am I living well? Or great even? Only time will tell but I do know that I am happy as I am and all I want to do is make others feel the same way.

It is funny how we always tend to relate movies to our own lives. That's why they made them though, right..

Love = Loyalty = Love ?

It is incredible how we live life in a fast lane and never have the time to think about how fragile everything actually is.

Life is to be lived together with someone/s and not on our own.
When we find people we cherish and care about, we should never let go! No matter where they are, how they are, whom they are with, how stubborn they are, etc... Love equals loyalty and vice versa. We cannot claim that we love if we don't intend to be loyal, ForeveR! Of course we are all just human (you know what i mean). Loyalty in this case is implied in its stronger version which is namely mental and soul loyalty.

These are the secret messages that ''Hachiko - a dog's story'' sends out. A truly inspiring (maybe too simplistic at first sight) movie that tells the tale about man and his best friend - the dog. It is based on a true story which really happened during the 1920s in Japan and it reveals the strong connection that can exist between a man and a dog - i personally believe it is probably stronger than relations between people. Hachi gets so attached to its master that after his sudden death, the poor dog keeps on waiting for him on the same train station for nine years hoping it will see the day when he - The Master - will come out of the station gate AGAIN. This cute dog, an animal, manages to express better than any human how persons marking our hearts and lives stay with us forever, how lost we can be without them and how the severe pain of missing them wouldn't let us have a 'normal' life anymore.

I can only advise you to get a couple napkins and watch the movie.
I can only hope that this world needs more of those movies for romantic rather than simply 'reminding' reasons (reminding in the sense that they show us what we are supposed to be like, do and feel).

My final urge is the following: let's live in a way that we will not regret because 'tomorrow is never promised today' (quoting Alicia Keys - Like you'll never see me again) .. and please

Love Like You'll Never See each other Again..