Are manners lost forever?

I remember when opening doors for ladies, offering a hand, offering help, greeting and excusing were very normal and kind of a status quo. Manners used to be essential. We used to have gentlemen and we used to have ladies. Manner were the much needed medium for a smooth human interaction. They were probably the thing (okay, maybe one of the things) separating us from animals. Don't you agree?

What does it mean to have manners these days? I bet some people cannot even remember. Are manners lost forever? Who killed them? Which generation pushed them down the drain? Maybe it was me? Nah. Maybe it's the iPhone generation so lost in their social media world and glued to their mobile devices.

I often feel like a black eyed person walking down the street on a sunny day. I'm odd and nice and talkative; since when did this become abnormal? I somehow missed that part. Am I going to get punished for not catching up with the current 'vibe' of impersonation, distance, ambiguity and universal ignorance? I would like to stay with my manners, please. Please. Will I remain running in circles forever isolated?

The matter of the fact is I might. We have lost manners in our relationships too and this makes it ever more impossible for two persons to have a calm, purposeful and useful discussion. Bigger issue arises here. Is it even possible for two people nowadays to actually decide on a path together, one they would walk absolutely side by side, along which they would both be happy and fulfilled? Sounds absurd.
The story goes like this: You make certain choices and decisions and sacrifice little things but sometimes many of them in order to remain with the greater thing. Then it seizes to be so great or you witness the other side completely disregarding your sacrifices, while he/she gets to do whatever the souls seeks (and don't get me wrong here - I fully support soul seeking!). And then? You are left with ... nothing. Not even good manners anymore! Or the other scenario: your other supposedly half compromises in order to remain on your path until the moment he doesn't! Why? Because they did not feel this path theirs any longer since they left behind most of their aspirations.

If only we would all get a huge mirror and are presented with the exact reflection of what we gave.
So... is everything lost?

Stone wall fences

What do you do when yo get the urge to scream, cry, shout, jump, kick, yell, sit quiet, whisper, be sad and mad?
I guess my thing is sitting on a cold stone wall in the dark peaceful night.

I went outside and sat on the wall. Sitting there, on that couple of metres tall (probably around 7-10 metres) wall fence separating me from green abyss under, I felt like I couldn't care less. I was so comfortable there, almost feeling invincible since gravity made it feel too cozy. It did not take 2 minutes for me to not even feel the limestone under me, it almost felt as if I was flying on a magic carpet. That magic carpet had to help me clear my head, it had to, there was no choice. All these confused bad thoughts needed to go away, now, quickly before they manage to distort the nice order which has been put in place in the timeline of a long beautiful weekend.
Good, they are gone now.
I can finally go to sleep.

Rain

It was raining today, all night and almost all day. It wouldn't have mattered if I didn't have to walk twenty minutes on my way back home after work. It was not so much rainy as it was windy, therefore after 10 meters attempting to walk with an umbrella, I had to swear once or twice and give it up.

I believe that was a sign, from God possibly. It was one of the best walks in the rain I've ever had - a purifying one. I walked and at one point I started crying. I walked and cried till I got home, it actually felt so good that I wanted to keep on walking.  It does relieve you from a lot you know, it is amazing, I might get addicted to it even. But what am I going to turn into - a big crying baby? People go to the gym to release the stress, I would simply walk and cry in the dark. Funny.

Was it the Rain that made me burst out? Hardly. Everything else BUT the Rain. The Rain was the washing-away power which would help me get up tomorrow morning and keep up with this shit routine and fake smiling. I could only wish I was naked, probably the purifying effect would have been twofold. Probably.

I Feel So..

Best feeling in the world? Do you know which one it is? I know what it is: it is when you had fallen apart and then you get back up again!

I while ago I saw this movie called Blue Valentine. It is about a love story; an amazing great compelling love story and its ugly horrific end.. It made me think: are all love stories bound to end no matter how beautiful and true they are or they look like they are, do they all have an expiration date? I mean, I am not even 100% sure whether such insanely big love exists but I believe it does the same way I believe there is God.
We know from our moms that not all that glitters is gold, right? How would you know though unless you pick it up, try to dust it off and bring it to a jeweler. Waste of time - well, most probably. But how else will we grow them wisdom teeth unless we bump our naive heads a couple (million) times in the wall.. OR is it maybe that we are looking for the wrong commodity (gold instead of copper?)..

(Off-topic or maybe not?) A friend of mine told me that in general guys are clueless. To me it seems that if they are clueless it is because they want to be so. Playing clueless is a soft way of manipulation - pushing the other/s to go forward and express themselves which would usually turn out to be something one can conveniently later on use as an accusation (in insanity, for example) argument. But wait, am I the one who is defective because I seek joy, passion and affection and try to give those away in handfuls.. OR is it you? 

Depeche mode said it doesn't hurt to get but be careful what you give. If you want to be careful, then stay home! I do not want to be careful; I want to give and be given. I am going to live my life thy way I need to and with the positiveness and jump for joy that I need.

To the people who pick us up and to the people who pick me up - thank you. You are my pure shores.

Do I have it all figured out? Hell no. But it doesn't hurt to pretend I do. One thing I know for sure is I am too fabulous to be sad. 

Life behind a mask = pittyful

I really hate those people living behind a mask! I know you know what I'm talking about: all those people fakely smiling at you every day but so clearly something else is going on in their head. God, I hate that. Why can't you just people be for real? Either be straight and get your issues resolved or move on! People who don't like each other shouldn't be FRIENDS - this sounds sick already - or meet or try to talk about things or hang out.. because it does not work, okay?! Yeah, I know there are those circumstances where you have to bow down and be 'nice' to someone just for the sake of safeguarding peace in a gang, etc. Hence, you are doing it for someone you care about. Allright, you deserve a medal but noone will actually give you one. Make it easy for yourself and try to really solve issues between you and this complexed chap.. or just forget about it! It won't be.
People, just be straight.. and open.. and honest.. and direct. I want to be happy and smile to everyone and be accepted as an honest person. And yes, I'd love some sincere smiles back. There's too much drama in this life, man. Why can't we just live free of all this bull**it!? It would be nice... too nice i guess.

P.S. nothing against Obama here.. just thought this mask is pretty cool:)

Patriotism - the odd version

I do understand that i become quite controversial at times. At one point you will hear me spitting sh*t on my country for all the bad and repulsive things i know you find there (or at least i do since i know them..). Whenever I happen to be in this ALL-AGAINST mood of mine, anyone who tries to defend or say anything good with regards to those disgusting me things/people/characteristics/etc. will find it quite hard to deal with my anger. I become all crazy and furious and noone can put me down. But then..
Then I have my other mood - the nostalgic i-love-my-country and i-miss-all-the-good-things-there MOOD. I know, sounds random and so weird. We do have so much potential and so many bright/intelligent/smart/talented/amazing people out there... it is so sad though that the mass of idiots manage to take everything - from power/politics to popularity to tv/music, etc...   When i listen to something of quality, it makes me even more sad for the fact that if these people were abroad, they could actually be successful and famous and recognized. It gets me down.. It's like this nation has been created to only suffer and struggle and never make it.. (okay, we made it to EU.. but what...) It is surprising how stupid and ignorant people would actually feel okay and happy amidst everything.. Pity i'm not one.. Or am i blessed? Does struggle make us more and more unhappy or it leads to perfection?

"Breaking The Habit"

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight 

HR - the story of a profession I DISlike

It’s full of ridiculous jobs out there, don't you think. The one that really thrills me - in the negative sense though - is HRs – be it HR Specialists or HR assistants or HR Managers.. What a senseless job is that!? Don’t get me wrong – I know there has to be SOMEONE to actually filter and select among people. But what is It exactly that they do and how awfully boring is it?? I mean, I just don’t get them.

What's with having to listen to people's trying-to-impress-you declarations of all sorts all day every day? How boring. And how useless (for urself a an HR I mean). How do you develop in this field? What do you expand on the 'knowledge' of asking questions and scribing down notes and then ANYWAY selecting randomly? I am very sorry but I really don't see the thrill, the great experience and the amazing career that is envisaged in all this, the HR career.

What's more, an HR's carma is probably not to be envied since they get cursed by so many, like, ALL THE TIME. Negative energy directed towards you is no joke especially when released by such a great amount of angry fellows. At the end, such a small fraction of people's lives will be positively changed by an HR during his/her lifetime career as such because you simply can't hire everyone. Rather the contrary, an HR is mainly busy with playing with ordinary people's hopes and dreams and then blowing them off.

Im writing this coz I've been advised to exploit the fact that the majority of job vacancies (donnow how but it's true!) are for HRs to at least enter in a company. Then I am supposed to somehow figure out a way to switch departments and find the right spot for me, once in.

I, as a numbers-oriented and brain-based activities person look at this proposal with such a disregard and even contempt that it almost looks like I'd rather consider a secretary job more seriously. I can't do it; I am not done for that, I don't even think I will be able to do it efficiently enough. Fuck, I'm being picky, am I not? Some say I'm too proud and will never find a job like that. Well, maybe they're right. Maybe they are NOT. Fifty-fiftyy. But if I turn out right, I will be happy that I didn't have to compromise myself, my beliefs and opinions. I am so stubborn, I know.

I know we need you to choose the best from the best. Let's hope you really intend and attempt to do that.

Sorry brilliant HR people (that I am sure some of you are); I just needed to release my anger on something/someone.