Burnout

I am in the business of giving and most often than not this means giving pieces of my heart away – usually (but not limited) to human beings. And this is not it: we give instructions, we openly share knowledge and experience, we transfer emotions of positivity and joy. All this needs to come from somewhere – our well of energy within our soul. But a well is a well and it is not eternal, unless purposefully taken care of. It can very easily get depleted if we don’t pay attention to the amount of energy we have been taking out.

A burnout is a seriously unpleasant condition to find one’s self in. And I did. By the time I realized it was a burnout, there wasn’t much to do to undo it. The consequences: a halt in my normal routine and yoga lifestyle which started off due to a persistent pain in the lower back and then amassed to feeling sick for a week. I feel weak and out of focus.

So where is the good news? Of course, there is good news. This time was all about cleansing – both physically and mentally. Nonetheless, it bonded us and made us feel even closer as we were in this thing together, literally.

As much as it is important to learn from such experiences, it is ever better to avoid going this far. To help you learn from my mistakes, I’ve put a short list of tips to help you stay sane in this hectic world and in a good mental and physical condition:

1. Take a mental count of your daily interactions and know when enough is enough. Very, very important! If you’ve had a busy social day where you had to face and talk to a number of persons, then be reasonable and have a quiet restful evening for yourself. I find that people often confuse quiet and restful with boring, which is wrong.
2. Do not be afraid to say NO. Don’t take on more responsibilities than you can take, don’t promise too often, don’t meet people when you really don’t feel like. I know, it is a lot of don’t-s, but they are necessary. Oh, and another one – don’t worry about what people would say. Those who have to, will understand. And the rest – do I really need to comment on those people?
3. Plan for a rest: in the best scenario, you would plan for a daily rest – be it an hour or so, you need this time to recharge in order to face the world smiling again. Should you know for a fact that you would have a couple of busy days in a row, please be kind to yourself and schedule a well-deserved break afterwards. A day or two spent in nature would do the trick.
4. Breathe A WHOLE LOT!

I told you it was a short list! Namaste

Fear vs. Love

We are CONDITIONED (and I'd like to highlight this word as much as I can) to 'think' that fear and love are antonyms, the opposite sides of a coin, 180 degrees far off.  

But hey, I've a revelation to offer you right this second: Fear and Love are not the opposite sides of a coin; instead, they are one and the same thing seen from a different angle. And you yourself are the only one who's got the power to change the angle. The question is: Why would you and why do you?

When you love, you simply love - without any further thoughts, considerations, expectations, conditions, circumstances. When any of these ‘bad boys’ come into the picture though, love begins to step backwards and fear starts to settle in. This unfortunate transition is quite easy to spot in today’s relationships. People tend to fear of losing their loved one to someone else, of boredom settling in, etc. As soon as we start to fear, we start to act differently and this is immediately felt by the other side in the equation. This change in mental predisposition and attitude is what eventually changes everything and usually materializes those same fears. Do not get into that vicious circle, I beg you. I had to learn the hard way - even though I trust all hardships are simply exercises to make us better and stronger. Love without anything further or in between; no need to fear.  

Almost identical… but not so much - the topic of suffering. 

I read today the following which completely resonates with my recent discoveries: Suffering is the result of clinging. Clinging as in holding on to something to the point of desperation. Remember this: you can’t cling forever, it gets tiresome and you would have to let go, one way or another. Let go now, take a leap of faith, win more and lose less by letting time and space offer you new horizons. Stop clinging to one thing. It is like eating only potatoes, how long will you be able to sustain this?  

Very related to fear is of course worry so I feel the need to touch up on this too. Similarly to fear and clinging, worry is useless. Why? Because worrying is practically equal to planning for a negative future. All that worrying can do it shift your focus so that you no longer pay attention to the good stuff happening around you that deserve celebration. It has been said a million times, but doesn’t hurt to repeat this once again: worrying today does not take your troubles away, it only takes today’s peace away.

Think positive and look for positive in order to truly FIND positive. And yes, it does works. Just try it! 

My Valentine

It was Valentine's Day yesterday! I hope you had a wonderful one. Whether you spent it with your better half, a friend, family or simply spoiling yourself, all that matters is that you felt and spread love.

Here is what hubby and I did: we took a trip... To somewhere! Unknown! Without knowing what our final destination is, we hit the road and drove in a certain direction, leaving it completely to our intuition to guide us. And it was the perfect occasion to leave the so very common need to control out of the picture. We wanted spontaneity, we wished for non-conventional and different. And for something very us - so we went for a walk through the woods, did yoga on a sunny meadow, cuddled by a river and gazed at a small picturesque waterfall. Then simply by chance (or not?!), we ended up in front of a monument from 4th century. It was like we found our own treasure and we couldn't take our eyes off it. After we finally did, we kept on driving until we found ourselves at a point where we had to choose a town to stay the night. We didn't really have to ponder much as the right choice was laid out before us, literally, in the form of a road sign saying 'Koprivshtitsa'. Koprivshtitsa is the name of a historical town which was the epicenter of the revolutionary movements aimed at Bulgaria's freedom almost 2 centuries ago. Such an energized place; it can make every Bulgarian feel proud of our origins.

What else did we do there besides the tourist must-dos? Weeeeellll, we finally gave acro yoga a try! Something we've been prepping for a while now. How it was? As one can imagine - super-boosting and it gave us wings! We will surely be practising more of this exciting branch of yoga on a side, wish us luck :)
Warning: Do not try this at home unless you have a consistent and regular practice and have built a strong core.

So, would you also like try acro yoga?

Are manners lost forever?

I remember when opening doors for ladies, offering a hand, offering help, greeting and excusing were very normal and kind of a status quo. Manners used to be essential. We used to have gentlemen and we used to have ladies. Manner were the much needed medium for a smooth human interaction. They were probably the thing (okay, maybe one of the things) separating us from animals. Don't you agree?

What does it mean to have manners these days? I bet some people cannot even remember. Are manners lost forever? Who killed them? Which generation pushed them down the drain? Maybe it was me? Nah. Maybe it's the iPhone generation so lost in their social media world and glued to their mobile devices.

I often feel like a black eyed person walking down the street on a sunny day. I'm odd and nice and talkative; since when did this become abnormal? I somehow missed that part. Am I going to get punished for not catching up with the current 'vibe' of impersonation, distance, ambiguity and universal ignorance? I would like to stay with my manners, please. Please. Will I remain running in circles forever isolated?

The matter of the fact is I might. We have lost manners in our relationships too and this makes it ever more impossible for two persons to have a calm, purposeful and useful discussion. Bigger issue arises here. Is it even possible for two people nowadays to actually decide on a path together, one they would walk absolutely side by side, along which they would both be happy and fulfilled? Sounds absurd.
The story goes like this: You make certain choices and decisions and sacrifice little things but sometimes many of them in order to remain with the greater thing. Then it seizes to be so great or you witness the other side completely disregarding your sacrifices, while he/she gets to do whatever the souls seeks (and don't get me wrong here - I fully support soul seeking!). And then? You are left with ... nothing. Not even good manners anymore! Or the other scenario: your other supposedly half compromises in order to remain on your path until the moment he doesn't! Why? Because they did not feel this path theirs any longer since they left behind most of their aspirations.

If only we would all get a huge mirror and are presented with the exact reflection of what we gave.
So... is everything lost?

September Yoga Challenge

Hallo friends!!

I can't believe it is already the 1st of September (as often as people exclaim this)! Seriously, it is like yesterday was February and we dreamed for summer to arrive, now we count down the days till its end.
It has been quite the mixture of a hectic and relaxed summer that I've been having. Surely many were envious of all the days I spent just walking somewhere, touring around, chilling, and oh - partying of course. I did study quite a bit which seems to have tired me. This is why I have decided to create for myself a September Yoga Challenge starting today. It actually started 2 hours ago when I started my first yoga practice for this month during which I intent to practice yoga every single day. This first practice took about 50 minutes and I mainly focused on twists and stretching and breathing (as am also tiny bit sickish so I need to restore my energies). Doing yoga every single day for such an extended period as my goal has not happened to me yet and it will soon be 2 years since I first discovered yoga. Hopefully this month will not only deepen my practice and help me achieve things I did not till now, go deeper into the poses, but also help me spread the word even further and gain more popularity. I wish to encourage more sceptics to come and try this 'yoga thing' at least once. This is why I created my own page Moga Yoga with Maya - to let people follow my practice, my struggles and the way I change my life bit by bit, how it affects me, hoping that this will intrigue some and push them to do that step forward and dive into this journey. Because it feels just so great! Challenge yourselves with me? Follow me and let's explore what happens :)))

Openness, Pure Love & Friendships

I figured out something else this evening. And this is how it happened.

It's been hard for me to study these couple of days. I tend to have my focus somewhere else - the inner me, feelings about the world, yoga. Therefore, it was quote painless to convince myself to take my mom to the international movie festival happening in town. And so we went. And remained there for 4 hours; and yes, it was that good. First, we saw an Estonian movie about a so called 'crazy' girl (she doesn't speak to people) who falls in love with the town's drunk and playboy but when one night she disappears with him, everyone turns against him viewing her as the victim of his lustful abuse. Then, we saw a movie from Denmark telling the story of an innocent man accused of molesting a child which happens to be his best friend's daughter whom he takes care of in the kindergarten. Both movies were very powerful and moving, and yes, I shed some tears.

What moved me so much were the simple things things the stories revolved around  - pure love and best friendships built over many years. These two are probably the strongest forces there are out there, we just need to use them as prescribed.
I didn't want to come home but we did so then I remained on the balcony for a good 25 minutes staring at the gloom, cars, rain, the little lights. I eyed quickly the balconies of the blocks nearby to see if there was anyone else out there, sunk in thoughts inspired by the world outside. Shockingly, or not, there were 3 more souls out there, smoking cigarettes, one standing and the other 2 seated with their head resting on their fist. I caught myself wondering whether this is the breed of thinkers left in here - a few smokers and a lost-in-the-movies girl who quite often feels out of space. Where are all the others and what are they doing? Probably mundane daily things - like watching the news, having a beer, washing the dishes. Nothing should be accepted as mundane though as then it impacts our perception and one day we end up perceiving the people we see/are in touch with daily as mundane and tedious. How to counter this? I got it: by being OPEN!

Not sure whether it was the movies or the rain (it tends to have that effect on me) or the lack of sleep lately but I felt a wave of gratitude over me for the pure love and best friendships that I have had and have and will have. I am open about it and wish to remain so. So I told them right away. Please don't keep it in, share, share, and let them others do their skeptical grimaces. From all I know this world is in a desperate need of pure love and best friendships. And the way I see it, it should never be enough or too much to tell the people who make your existence worthwhile how you feel. Do it now. Do it every day.

Peace. & Love

It's Springtime, awareness time

It seems that every spring brings something new with itself. At least from my perspective. But this is how it is going to be, right? Another spring, another life. To me this spring has brought in realization.

Most of you know I have been practicing yoga for some time now. I’d like to tell you about an experience I had two weeks ago (this is not to undermine yoga’s ability to deliver ‘an experience’ every single time). I was ‘locked in’ – a phrase I like to use to imply I have been studying all day; hence I needed a release break. I put my mat on the floor and started. I am not completely sure what it was, but at one point I started seeing things – like castles in the skies, fields of flowers and gold, sunshine, all glittering in front of my eyes (even though what really was there was the sink). What does this mean? Have I gotten used to being with my SELF? Have I discovered where bliss hides?

I’ve been reading a lot lately. All kinds of written words, sentences, proverbs, pieces of wisdom. I especially liked what one girl wrote on her social media profile: that we are all light, part of the big light, so there is nothing to fear or worry about. We are here to be light, so we shall shine with all we have – smile, be happy and spread joy. And light. I have also been observing a lot – there is plenty to observe and we don’t have to especially go on the hunt and look for it, it is all around us. Just pull your blinders up and you will see pictures being painted before you. Can you imagine yourself standing in a green field talking to a donkey and a horse? No? Then you must try it! I did that a week ago and it was another one of those blissful experiences - the connection with nature and its creatures felt natural and essential even. I felt good and much lighter after conversing with the donkey and caressing the horse on its head (yes, it allowed me!). I can only imagine they felt the same J  

Back to urban land, I have noticed something which is considered as kind of normal but is also kind of petrifying. People have got used to getting used. I guess I need to elaborate a little.

You could put any verb after this sentence and it will probably remain true. I will give you an example:   People have got/are used to… EXPECTING.  People have got/are used to… LOVING. People have got/are used to… TALKING. You see what I mean? Do you notice how even the ‘positive’ note of ‘LOVING’ is lost because people are now used to it, therefore there is no more flame in it. Talking, on the other hand, was once a useful tool for communication, which has leveled down to simply an act of passing the time. We no longer speak about the important stuff because if we do, we might be excluded from society and titled ‘ODD’. So we remain in society and we follow the rules of expecting. I know, I was there once not too long ago as well. We walk through life expecting the next Christmas, another season, our next birthday. It becomes even more problematic – we have become unable to just go with it without the frantic need to plan the next thing, step, meal, and meeting. You can hardly find a person just strolling alone with pleasure, not going anywhere, not hurrying for anything in particular. Why did we turn our life into some frantic hunt for the unknown variable? I don't know. What I know and can say with the certainty of someone who's had the experience herself is that such a life could be turned around - in less than a year, even in less than 3 months, should you REALLY WANT IT TO.

I believe in taking your life in your hands and building it the way you want it to be. I always did and had always tried to even though I was not always ready to. Remember – without a shift in thinking, there could be no shift in attitude. So read, learn, open your eyes to the other sides of the stories, and make that shift now. Because every day - in your newly found happy place, matters. Take a moment to live, and live NOW! This has been a marvelous realization for me, I wish it will be for you too. 

New Year’s Re-Solutions

And yet again, it is that time of the year when we make various promises, either false or not, to start doing something, stop doing another thing, keep doing something else. In order to do that successfully, we need to uncover adverse tendencies in our past behavior and willingly and relentlessly go about rooting such out.

I will here share some of the findings I made regarding my self before compiling my NY's resolutions list:

To begin with, I will start with the most shocking and groundbreaking discovery I am quite glad to have made at a still 'fragile' age: We cannot, and therefore, should not rely on others for our own happiness. Yes, I know it is hard and probably seems impossible to many of you right now, however I ensure you this is the only road to real, indestructible happiness. I am guilty of relying way too many times on another person's predisposition/mood/feelings in order to have me feeling good and satisfied. I can justify such past behavior by saying that something in me did it because I cared for that person, more than I wanted and I was so weak that he could influence me. Well, I could say that. From the place I am currently at, it seems as if I were the one to blame, not the other person. I was selfish enough to place the burden of my own well-being in another person's hands. I know I would never disappoint myself if I have to trust me and only me to be happy. Lesson learned. No one is responsible for your happiness but YOU.

You know what else? Planning for the future sucks big time. So hereby I make a resolution to not plan anything farther than 3 months ahead. Let's be real, everyone does it; we are programmed by some unknown 'higher' hidden force or power to do so. Do you ever question why you keep planning for things to do in the future and keep postponing stuff for 'later on' in life, or - my favorite of all - for 'when the right time comes'? How can people be so convinced they will actually HAVE all that time at their hands? It truly starts to piss me off seeing young people act as if their life is over because it is not up to their perfect taste or liking. Get up and do something about it, will ya? Personally, I am thirsty for life and do not and cannot wait until whenever later on. Yes, great things might happen, but why not go for some already now? All it takes is a step forward and the ability to shun from others' opinions as they are most certainly the force dragging you back.

I do not want to fear, do you? With no fear I can live my days openly, fully, satisfyingly and with no regret. I want to experience, see, travel, swim in the thick waters of the unknown, which will test my reflexes and remind me in every single moment that I am alive. And I will be grateful for it. We forget way too often this is a blessing, to be here, right now. Some religious people might correct me here that it is actually the other way round - here and now is where we are punished and tested. Hm, seriously, take a look around, don't we have this beautiful world to discover?

And, finally, here are my resolutions for this new and lovely 2014 year:
I will continue to BE ME
I will go on with my YOGA practice and REACH new heights
I will try to bring down to minimum my tendency to act like a DRAMA QUEEN
I will gain more KNOWLEDGE every day
I will see it all in PINK
I will keep spreading ENERGY inexhaustibly
I will learn to LET GO
I will study and LEARN German
I will manage to MEDITATE without having a billion thoughts in my mind
I will be OPEN to new opportunities and possibilities
I will learn how to MISS WITHOUT being SAD
I will continue to FIGHT OFF the widespread frustration, aimlessness and feeling of worthlessness some individuals try to get under my skin
I will RELAX and teach others to as well
I will find more things to APPRECIATE within me
I will continue SMILING, every chance I get
I will LOVE

In brief, I intend to

Source: susiss.livejournal.com

How about you?

To Bee Back Home

So here I am everyone, back to homeland for the past 6 months. It is unbelievable how time flies when it is nice.

Home is a very abstract term for me as I tend to consider myself a cosmopolitan and like to make home wherever I am, but I have to admit to something my dad used to tell me every time I was about to take off to somewhere - only home can give you the peace and re-charge you wish to have. Yes, I can now also stand behind this statement. Home is not a technologically-advanced urban metropolis with flying high speed trains and hurrying up businessmen dressed in black. And this is exactly why I love being here right now. It is true that life looks much more relaxed and slow for me in particular as I am actually unemployed and simply taking time for my family and myself. But hey, people get to see their parents and high school friends much more often than I do. I had to actually take time off the world I built in for myself to do that. One thing I am happy I learnt to is trust my gut regardless of how crazy it might seem.

Enough of the serious thought-producing stuff. Let's see what is the fun and cool part about being home :)

The cat 

We have a cat! Yes, yes, a real living animal toy, oops, I did not mean to say toy :-D This creature is so much fun and surprisingly clever, extremely curious and super fun. You can forget about ever eating anything peacefully. This little thing has a natural sense for someone preparing to munch any kind of food, it knows, jumps, rolls and appears out of nowhere exactly in front of your mouth. She wanted to steal my kiwi just now.

The old funny little things
Entering my old room at home after long periods of time always feels like some sort of treasure hunt and time for great discoveries. Because of the past! I am one of those people who like to keep even candy wrappers if they remind them of something. I'm really terrible in this. All of my Eminem, Leo Di Caprio, Backstreet Boys and so on posters are still here, in my room! 

Getting the child-treatment
At 26 one would think that we no longer fall under the children category. Well, I was wrong. According to my mom I am still that kid, the one she has to ask where she's going, why she's wearing what she is wearing and what time she is coming back. Oh boy, was that difficult to get used to?! I admit it, it tended to annoy me at the beginning but then I realized that whatever we do we will never stop being the 'children' in our parents' eyes. I sat down and explained to mommy how I can handle my self as I have learnt to do so in the past 7 years so there is no need for the constant investigation and worrying. Imma grown up now, at least most of the time.

Everything is new

I sure look funny turning head to every direction exploring what is new and what is still there where I remember it to be; asking people about a club, whose name changed 10 times since then; going to a shop I used to know just to find a pub there.. yeah, stuff like that! Consider the pros though: I am always curios, I want to try and experience the simplest (and probably dullest for the others) things and I tend to be thankful and happy for my every encounter be it with a bird or a dog on the street. Why all this bizarre behavior you would ask? Very simple, my friends - I have forgotten it all so it is all like new to me, and I love it! All of it. Even the rain (which is not such a frequent happening, phew). 

:-)

Mars 1

So apparently they are sending people over to Mars. Yep, the planet. The first human colony is scheduled to leave the Earth at end of 2023. This implies we have got 10 years before we find out whether we can possibly 'infect' with our presence yet another planet. They call it the plan for saving our species. I ask: 'why save us?'

Credit to: www.telegraph.co.uk 

Take a look around. I don't know where you at exactly right now, but from where I see it people generally do not care about the Earth or their life for that matter. They think and fool themselves deeply that they do, but they don't. Almost nobody cares about recycling, re-using and re-inventing. It is all about the show off, the posing and pretending. Everyone tries to win God knows what by adding fancy shoes, jewelry and fast cars to their inventory. They all try to teach you how to live and make you believe that the important things in 'this' life are the ones they say are.

Credit: globusnews.net

I will tell you a tale of a time not too long ago but seemingly way too long ago. People used to appreciate completely different values than we do in today's world. It all struck me while driving by a small village in the Northern mountain part of Bulgaria. When a certain household was considered very good, well-behaved and particularly friendly, they obtained and were given by the municipality a special plate to hang on their front door. What was written on it was 'Role Model Household' or as written in Cyrillic 'Образцов Дом'. It was an utmost appreciation one could publicly get. It shows that people cared about what other people think of them. For better or worse, we do not seem to bother any longer.
I personally - as surprising as this might be for some - don't believe in shoes and cars; I believe in people. I want to live, be with and love people. Not a Louis Vuitton bag, not a Bentley, but human beings. I am still unsure what it is exactly but sometimes I really like this kind.

I caught a very special documentary on TV last night about Titanic. A century after the tragic accident, a man has managed to prove it was not a human mistake. The captain was not drunk and the watchers were not asleep. Titanic just seems to have had a predetermined bad luck - it found itself in this particular spot of the North Atlantic where: mirages occur (hence the watchers saw a mist instead of the iceberg until it was way too late); the Gulf stream gives a way to the cold Labrador current (just a kilometer before that spot the temperature was 14 degrees higher); there were optical illusions present - the starts seemed so bright that one could not distinguish whether a light sign from Titanic was another star or not. Sounds crazy? To me it sounds too arranged; those people were simply left with no way out by mother Nature.

What I am trying to say here is that evidently Nature can and will sabotage anything it deems improper. Will humans make it to Mars? I don't think this is up to us. Let's stop being so cocky, arrogant and pretentious, let's go back to being role model households and individuals, can we? One thing is for sure - let us face it, we can't fool Nature. We DO NOT own the world. It owns US!

Honeycomb of Curiosities

My dear readers, here is another creation of art I have just finished creating. Hope you enjoy it and please find my artist statement below to actually understand what this is all about :) I am sure it can be confusing at first sight. 

For this project - assignment I had by the name Personal Collections, I drew my own representation of a honeycomb inside a beehive. I drew using color pencils and also painted with water paints on a paper from a sketch book. After that I built up the walls of the honeycomb using a paper bag which I stuck with glue on top of my painted image.

The idea behind my artwork is my connection to bees. My name - Maya - is already a link I have to bees since a child, as there is a very famous cartoon about a bee called Maya. I always liked bees. Even though I have been stung on various occasions, I still like them, probably even more so! Bees collect nectar and pollen from plants and bring it to the beehive to produce the elixir of life - the honey. In a similar manner I wish to represent my collecting process through the years, therefore I placed in the hexagons representing cells in a honeycomb some exemplars of what has been of interest to me while growing up. In the cells you can see old coins, small hotel soaps, stuffed animal toy, coffee creamer lids, postal stamps, small toys one usually gets from a chocolate egg, bubblegum wrappers, beads, various shiny jewelry items as well as plastic diamonds and glass balls.

My cabinet of curiosity does not have a lid as it is open for interaction with its audience; people can touch and explore the items inside the cells to get an even better idea of the contents I have chosen. Picking and arranging this colorful mix of items was an important activity for me as it reminded of my childhood, of what I have kept of interest and what I have forgotten. More importantly though, this mix showed me what I should remember back.

I created this artwork to express some part of my secret personality, the one which loves to collect things, things which might not mean anything to others but mean or meant a lot to me. I believe collecting these particular pieces reflected some thoughts, hopes, plans, dreams I had for the future and most probably helped me be the person I am today, one way or another.

The Future of Mankind

Wondering what this is? I called it the Future of Mankind and it is my latest - just fresh out of the oven - artwork! Aaahh, I really do love to take time and just create anything as it comes to my mind. Well, this time it was with purpose as this is actually coursework for an online course I have enrolled. Still wondering what this is all about? Hereunder you can read my artist statement describing the idea behind :)

During the art making process I browsed through lots of magazines where I found inspiration and the images I consequently cut out. I mainly used collage technique, I painted a bit using water paint and I drew a small bit, namely the wings of the girl.

The idea behind my artwork is that according to me mankind has reached a tipping point where we will either fall badly or will wake up and get back to nature. This is exactly what the girl falling from up symbolizes. The right side of the art plane represents the current society – all kinds of fake (represented by the woman’s face and the Botox injection) and the struggle to find happiness and meaning to life by buying a material thing (represented by the life potion in a test-tube). The left side of the picture plane symbolizes Mother Nature – the ultimate goal, at least in my opinion, which humans should go for. We need to regain consciousness, remember what are the important things in life and how simplicity and nature are all we need. The image of the girl which is falling is located in the middle, in the boundary between those two worlds. She can change it all but the question remains – will she be able to spread the wings which she has forgotten she has? The elephant in the picture symbolizes nature waiting impatiently for the outcome of that fall. We can see hope in there too – the elephant has captured the girl’s boot in anticipation to have her back on the ground and give it to her which will eventually represent the bonding between the two worlds.

I created this artwork as a clear outcome of my recent thoughts, feelings and intentions. I wish for my audience to really grasp the idea and feel in their heart what is really going on in this world, I wish for everyone to open their eyes and see what we have become – greedy and never-happy creatures. Once awake and aware, we can all work our way back to Nature’s heart and hopefully live in peace and harmony.  

So what do you think? Hit me up, please! 

Keep digging.. NOT

I used to like thinking, occasionally. And then I got freed from it. I was happy. What happened?

Something messes my head a little bit and there we go again on that same old rusty merry-go-round. Why did he do that, why did I do that, what does that mean, who hides what - it seems we cannot function without over-thinking and complicating matters. We cannot judge life and people by the deeds only, can we, but always gotta dig deeper and look for.. God knows what really? We keep digging though, and going crazier in the process. Why can't we stop and have enough of it, enough of what we have and not look further any longer? We can't.

Makes me wonder who with a right mind created us so things-oriented instead of mindful, compassionate and vision-oriented!? Oh, wait, I guess we did this ourselves? The fat question standing now right in front of me, you and us is whether we still have what it takes to reverse this and go back to being humans in the first place and consuming machines in the second.

Road writings

I feel it now, the thing everyone talks about and we all aspire to have. Freedom is so inspiring. It feels as if the sun is always shining, even at night, even when it is raining. The freedom to miss a bus and hop on the next one. The freedom to dance on the last seat of that bus without being bothered whether someone sees. The freedom to roll and lie on the crispy green grass meadows even if you are no longer 5 years old. Freedom is enjoying every single thing, word, noise, touch, smell, feeling; nothing taken for granted, everything accepted as is. It is truly liberating this not-taking-things-seriously and being busy feeling life but you will not believe me until you try it. And when you do, I promise you will be high for this sensational melting feeling.

Am I going crazy or ever more sane? I feel the bliss for finally experiencing what life should be about - joy from simply being. Seeing a tree and being happy for it is there in front of me; loving playing with the kitty for it is another joyful careless being; smiling back at fierce critics for it is the way to fight them back with no harm and show a higher state of mind. No, I am not a superhero but I detect and can breakaway the mental prison walls we all build. At least I try, I need your help as it will come from within. Do you want it?



Liberty, freedom, space, sweet emptiness = all words describing the one and only peace of mind. And your heart, what about the heart's peace you would ask? Once you calm your mind it will transfer to your heart filling it up with love and appreciation for the moment. You'd wish to spread wings and hug the world, embrace the beauty of silence and gaze in people's eyes to feel their energy. Feel, it is how we know we are alive!!!

When you know it is time to..

The time has come when you start feeling your fingers itch and your feet constantly want to move even while asleep. I have to go, I need to, no one told me, I felt it.

Sometimes it is hard to tell whether a shot in the dark will actually hit anything, but I am determined to hit. My target is new peace of mind, new state of mind, new purpose. My life is exciting, never boring, always moving and this is why I have to keep going with my gut - I just change to keep it the same.

I keep remembering every now and then this quote a lecturer told us once: 'The only constant thing in life is change.' If you are afraid of change, then you are afraid of life, and we have to love life even simply for the fact that we have been given it, it is the biggest gift!

The aching to be free of all prejudice and people's plans for me, yes, I will stand up against it and fight for me, for my own direction. Whatever that will be.

My 2012 accomplishments

Wow, another year gone like in a day.

Do we not feel time passing by due to an abundance of emotions and happenings or simply because we are living life in the fast lane not paying attention?
I know I did take time to give in to the moments.

This has been a marvelous year full of so much to share that it seems words are not enough but still let me try to summarize:
And so I moved to a new flat and started living on my own again; I successfully endured the distance from here to India and welcomed back my boy; I went through winter with lots of warm feelings; I traveled to 5 countries in less than 8 months; I had the honor to be my best friend's maid of honor  I had my first very important speech and messed it up by crying like a baby; I actually went out of the house on numerous occasions wearing my hair up; I had my first and numerous second encounters with the essence of a spa experience; I had a real French croissant in France and it was .... oooh my God; I bought many more dresses than any year before; I got back in touch with drawing; I spent a lot of time on and with friends; I designed my first collection; I made new friends; I saw many pink/orange sunsets; I saw a koala and a whole panda family from very close and they were extremely cute; I read two books and bought two more; I met a lot of amazing and fun German people in Germany; I worked hard on turning daily work routine into jokes and fun land; I had the honour to stumble upon 7 lucky scorpions in my flat; I drank a real Italian cappuccino in Italy; I had my 7th year anniversary since arriving in Malta; I broke some records at work and got rewarded for it; I officially became an adult; I took care of a little turtle; I cried and laughed way much more than any year before; I started listening to a lot of Jazz; I put my finger print on too many things in Versailles; I had Spanish paella in the heart of Spain -  Madrid; I bought a smartphone; I almost had my new phone stolen while on Armin van Buuren's concert; I realized life has much more to offer than people say; I attended 3 weddings and loved it; I realized with pleasure that I still got the vibe; I realized with disappointment that age does matter when it comes to going to bed late and waking up like a mashed potato; I wore pink glasses and do not want to ever put them down; I tried to help many people in many ways; I started learning German; I gave a lot and I got a lot; I danced traditional Bulgarian dances on New Years Eve in Malta.

Wow, what an year! To an even greater and full of all the fun stuff this life has to offer 2013! Cheers :-)

If I ain't got something, I got it with you

It is 11:11 pm on the 20/12/12. Tomorrow is the so awaited and spoken about 21/12/2012.
I am a Maya, I should know what the Maya people predicted. They did not predict the end of the world, everybody listen up, they made their calendar revolve around an exact cycle which ends tomorrow. What happens next depends on you and me and us. We are in this together.

The world will not end, at least not tomorrow.. But I do hope certain things in this world do end, tomorrow.
I'd like to look at it as a mindset transformation deadline. I hope you have your mind set and you have narrowed your choice down on what person you wish to be should the world NOT END. I wish to see more people take 22/12/12 as a second chance to be a better human and care for more than paper with Phoenician signs on it. I want people to realize right now in this hour what is it that they have done with their lives and whether they would have lived it differently. And then I want to see them live it differently from tomorrow after. I know that I gave my all and did my best whenever I could and realized that I could make a difference.

I lived, I loved, I was here. As long as I am with you, nothing else matters. I have my peace. Peace y'all.

Six Degrees of Separation

Funny how different brains can be.
What spinns around my head recently is exactly how far male and female brains are?

We are so similar, we are all human beings, we all have faces, feelings, past and present, wishes.

 If we are only six degrees of separation - allowing myself to use the geographical measurement metaphorically - how can our train of thought produce such different outcomes and lead to plenty of unwanted, unnecessary and so easy to avoid confusion and frustration?

How much is six degrees in human thought´s terms? Apparently too much. Men and women just don't get each other, full stop. Whether we are coming from two different planet (Mars and Venus) is a rather rhetorical question, we look too much alike to be that different. So what is it then? Why can´t we possibly go down to each others level and grasp what is causing disruption so we can smooth it out?

Expectation and again expectations! They ruin everything, I tell ya. Nothing is ever the way we imagined it to be beforehand, so why do we keep making this annoying mistake and expect things/actions/behaviors from others? We do not rule the world and how it goes around. Here it is!

It really annoys me when things go great between two and then on the sign of the first small issue, everything goest tumbling down with a bang. What is the deal? Are we that stupid, isn´t all the hard work worth a bit of patience and tolerance?
Men think they rule the world; then women from their side think they rule it too. This isn't possible because if we talk about ruling only ONE is the ruler on top of all (if i get the concept correct). But wait, wait, why is it always about ruling? Can't we live in harmony together, guys and girls, without this constant (whether conscious or not) attempt to push each other off the 'throne'? What is the throne? What happens there on top, why do we seek this?

Let us stop this, please. We can do it, yes, we have to really try and it will definitely not be easy but it is worth the pain in the back. I am sure. Now come and let us split the throne.

In my own world now

Wow, I haven't written since May, lots must have happened, and more certainly I must have had zero time for myself. That is seldom a good thing but in this case it was. I was busy LIVING. My best friend got married, I have grown a lot at work (learning-wise) but definitely way more in my relationship. Sometimes I think I am forgetting the world because of this guy. Am I really, could I or it just doesn't matter, the world?

Of course, of course the world matters, we inhabit it, it should be worth..something? Which part of it shall I be focusing on though - the Past, the Present, the Future?

Some of my beautiful memories vivid as if it was yesterday

Oddly enough there has been a strange phenomenon reoccurring in the last couple of weeks: I have been remembering all these tiny but extremely detailed memories from my childhood past that it had left me wondering. My grandma chopping a chicken's head off and me a little girl observing the whole process till tasty chicken soup was on the table. My best friend and I walking side by side wearing the same pair of jeans, just a couple of sizes different, we were 14 years old. Me being 12 at my village during summer break; I tended to have fun on my own by dancing the day away listening to Backstreet Boys on my mom's Italy-imported cassette-phone.
Why am I running all this through my head now? Something is happening, isn't it? Maybe I wanted to be taken back in the day, my subconsciousness needed that to prepare for what is about to come.

1989 - 2007 - 2012

I am changing, I feel it so strong, I am growing up looking for my purpose and a pure and simple joy from life. Like the gentle touch of his hand on my head or cheek. Seriously, all this is enough for me to see the light of a day. This and much more. He made me realize I don't want to be another human junkie stuffing full of chemicals crisps in my mouth while watching simulations of life on TV. NO! I want to be real, I like real but real is simple and we are just not tuned anymore to this wave. Our brains are totally screwed up by all this 'modern life' and 'complex technologies'. How more will it take until we wipe everything off?

All this makes me think of what I want to do to escape the usual human spiral down. What do I wish to do and go for, what can I and intend to do to separate myself from the automated lost-in-simulation human herd and unfold my potential? The real question here is: Do YOU like what you see? Not the iPhone in your hands, the real big picture I am here referring to. Do you really want to live like this, like everyone else? The standard accumulate-as-much-as-possible-material-shit-as-you-possibly-can human path is not convincing me. Opposed to what we are unfortunately conditioned to 'think', money only buys you comfort and not happiness. So that makes me totally unwilling to spend my life wasting effort, time, relationships in order to secure me having a comfortable sofa (for example). I want to be happy, I live to be happy and being happy makes me want to live!

You want to join me on my mission to reverting back to a simple real part of this Earth being? Please do, I hope you will. Let us go back to old-school ways of communicating, having fun, loving. I wish we would do all these artificiality-free, it is in fact my current dream. I want (us) to be free of addictions and satisfied with little. I need (us) to see the beauty of the simplest forms of existence, caress a puppy on the street, hug a tree, smell a flower and drown in the pure sense.
Life is good to me, life is good to us so why don't we appreciate it? I am a happy being, don't you want to be another one with me today? It is easy I promise, together we only need to make a little push.

Good morning world, it is spring, it is sunny, it is lovely. No matter what has happened or how we feel, it is interesting how a slight change in weather and simple bird songs can make us feel so young and refreshed.


Today I decided I will do something unusual and instead of writing I will quote something for you, something someone special wrote to me which I believe should be read by many because I believe we can all relate to it. 
Thank you to the writer!
And here it is:

Thank God for my shoes - they fit only me.

I woke up today and I realised that there were many things about my life I was not satisfied with or better still, there were challenges that were threatening my soul.And I said to myself, "Why should anyone envy me and want to be in my shoes." They don't know how far I've come, they don't know what lies ahead of me, and neither do they know how dissatisfied I get with myself from time to time.

People don't know the troubles that you've had or the price you had to pay to get to where you are. All they want to know is that they wish they were like you.Why should you wish you were in anybody's shoes when you hardly know how they fit?When you've worn your shoes for a while, they take the shape of your feet and align to the way you walk. If you were to wear my shoes, you will not be comfortable in them.

So I stopped wishing that I am in someone else shoes because it might not fit; rather I thank God for my shoes, because they fit!I have learned to be the best in what I do, and I know no-one can replace me anywhere & in any sphere. I am an original; God is not in the cloning business, He makes originals.

Make the best of what you do; besides you have this beautiful life to live ONLY ONCE. Live it to the fullest.