New Year’s Re-Solutions

And yet again, it is that time of the year when we make various promises, either false or not, to start doing something, stop doing another thing, keep doing something else. In order to do that successfully, we need to uncover adverse tendencies in our past behavior and willingly and relentlessly go about rooting such out.

I will here share some of the findings I made regarding my self before compiling my NY's resolutions list:

To begin with, I will start with the most shocking and groundbreaking discovery I am quite glad to have made at a still 'fragile' age: We cannot, and therefore, should not rely on others for our own happiness. Yes, I know it is hard and probably seems impossible to many of you right now, however I ensure you this is the only road to real, indestructible happiness. I am guilty of relying way too many times on another person's predisposition/mood/feelings in order to have me feeling good and satisfied. I can justify such past behavior by saying that something in me did it because I cared for that person, more than I wanted and I was so weak that he could influence me. Well, I could say that. From the place I am currently at, it seems as if I were the one to blame, not the other person. I was selfish enough to place the burden of my own well-being in another person's hands. I know I would never disappoint myself if I have to trust me and only me to be happy. Lesson learned. No one is responsible for your happiness but YOU.

You know what else? Planning for the future sucks big time. So hereby I make a resolution to not plan anything farther than 3 months ahead. Let's be real, everyone does it; we are programmed by some unknown 'higher' hidden force or power to do so. Do you ever question why you keep planning for things to do in the future and keep postponing stuff for 'later on' in life, or - my favorite of all - for 'when the right time comes'? How can people be so convinced they will actually HAVE all that time at their hands? It truly starts to piss me off seeing young people act as if their life is over because it is not up to their perfect taste or liking. Get up and do something about it, will ya? Personally, I am thirsty for life and do not and cannot wait until whenever later on. Yes, great things might happen, but why not go for some already now? All it takes is a step forward and the ability to shun from others' opinions as they are most certainly the force dragging you back.

I do not want to fear, do you? With no fear I can live my days openly, fully, satisfyingly and with no regret. I want to experience, see, travel, swim in the thick waters of the unknown, which will test my reflexes and remind me in every single moment that I am alive. And I will be grateful for it. We forget way too often this is a blessing, to be here, right now. Some religious people might correct me here that it is actually the other way round - here and now is where we are punished and tested. Hm, seriously, take a look around, don't we have this beautiful world to discover?

And, finally, here are my resolutions for this new and lovely 2014 year:
I will continue to BE ME
I will go on with my YOGA practice and REACH new heights
I will try to bring down to minimum my tendency to act like a DRAMA QUEEN
I will gain more KNOWLEDGE every day
I will see it all in PINK
I will keep spreading ENERGY inexhaustibly
I will learn to LET GO
I will study and LEARN German
I will manage to MEDITATE without having a billion thoughts in my mind
I will be OPEN to new opportunities and possibilities
I will learn how to MISS WITHOUT being SAD
I will continue to FIGHT OFF the widespread frustration, aimlessness and feeling of worthlessness some individuals try to get under my skin
I will RELAX and teach others to as well
I will find more things to APPRECIATE within me
I will continue SMILING, every chance I get
I will LOVE

In brief, I intend to

Source: susiss.livejournal.com

How about you?

In my own world now

Wow, I haven't written since May, lots must have happened, and more certainly I must have had zero time for myself. That is seldom a good thing but in this case it was. I was busy LIVING. My best friend got married, I have grown a lot at work (learning-wise) but definitely way more in my relationship. Sometimes I think I am forgetting the world because of this guy. Am I really, could I or it just doesn't matter, the world?

Of course, of course the world matters, we inhabit it, it should be worth..something? Which part of it shall I be focusing on though - the Past, the Present, the Future?

Some of my beautiful memories vivid as if it was yesterday

Oddly enough there has been a strange phenomenon reoccurring in the last couple of weeks: I have been remembering all these tiny but extremely detailed memories from my childhood past that it had left me wondering. My grandma chopping a chicken's head off and me a little girl observing the whole process till tasty chicken soup was on the table. My best friend and I walking side by side wearing the same pair of jeans, just a couple of sizes different, we were 14 years old. Me being 12 at my village during summer break; I tended to have fun on my own by dancing the day away listening to Backstreet Boys on my mom's Italy-imported cassette-phone.
Why am I running all this through my head now? Something is happening, isn't it? Maybe I wanted to be taken back in the day, my subconsciousness needed that to prepare for what is about to come.

1989 - 2007 - 2012

I am changing, I feel it so strong, I am growing up looking for my purpose and a pure and simple joy from life. Like the gentle touch of his hand on my head or cheek. Seriously, all this is enough for me to see the light of a day. This and much more. He made me realize I don't want to be another human junkie stuffing full of chemicals crisps in my mouth while watching simulations of life on TV. NO! I want to be real, I like real but real is simple and we are just not tuned anymore to this wave. Our brains are totally screwed up by all this 'modern life' and 'complex technologies'. How more will it take until we wipe everything off?

All this makes me think of what I want to do to escape the usual human spiral down. What do I wish to do and go for, what can I and intend to do to separate myself from the automated lost-in-simulation human herd and unfold my potential? The real question here is: Do YOU like what you see? Not the iPhone in your hands, the real big picture I am here referring to. Do you really want to live like this, like everyone else? The standard accumulate-as-much-as-possible-material-shit-as-you-possibly-can human path is not convincing me. Opposed to what we are unfortunately conditioned to 'think', money only buys you comfort and not happiness. So that makes me totally unwilling to spend my life wasting effort, time, relationships in order to secure me having a comfortable sofa (for example). I want to be happy, I live to be happy and being happy makes me want to live!

You want to join me on my mission to reverting back to a simple real part of this Earth being? Please do, I hope you will. Let us go back to old-school ways of communicating, having fun, loving. I wish we would do all these artificiality-free, it is in fact my current dream. I want (us) to be free of addictions and satisfied with little. I need (us) to see the beauty of the simplest forms of existence, caress a puppy on the street, hug a tree, smell a flower and drown in the pure sense.
Life is good to me, life is good to us so why don't we appreciate it? I am a happy being, don't you want to be another one with me today? It is easy I promise, together we only need to make a little push.