Burnout

I am in the business of giving and most often than not this means giving pieces of my heart away – usually (but not limited) to human beings. And this is not it: we give instructions, we openly share knowledge and experience, we transfer emotions of positivity and joy. All this needs to come from somewhere – our well of energy within our soul. But a well is a well and it is not eternal, unless purposefully taken care of. It can very easily get depleted if we don’t pay attention to the amount of energy we have been taking out.

A burnout is a seriously unpleasant condition to find one’s self in. And I did. By the time I realized it was a burnout, there wasn’t much to do to undo it. The consequences: a halt in my normal routine and yoga lifestyle which started off due to a persistent pain in the lower back and then amassed to feeling sick for a week. I feel weak and out of focus.

So where is the good news? Of course, there is good news. This time was all about cleansing – both physically and mentally. Nonetheless, it bonded us and made us feel even closer as we were in this thing together, literally.

As much as it is important to learn from such experiences, it is ever better to avoid going this far. To help you learn from my mistakes, I’ve put a short list of tips to help you stay sane in this hectic world and in a good mental and physical condition:

1. Take a mental count of your daily interactions and know when enough is enough. Very, very important! If you’ve had a busy social day where you had to face and talk to a number of persons, then be reasonable and have a quiet restful evening for yourself. I find that people often confuse quiet and restful with boring, which is wrong.
2. Do not be afraid to say NO. Don’t take on more responsibilities than you can take, don’t promise too often, don’t meet people when you really don’t feel like. I know, it is a lot of don’t-s, but they are necessary. Oh, and another one – don’t worry about what people would say. Those who have to, will understand. And the rest – do I really need to comment on those people?
3. Plan for a rest: in the best scenario, you would plan for a daily rest – be it an hour or so, you need this time to recharge in order to face the world smiling again. Should you know for a fact that you would have a couple of busy days in a row, please be kind to yourself and schedule a well-deserved break afterwards. A day or two spent in nature would do the trick.
4. Breathe A WHOLE LOT!

I told you it was a short list! Namaste

Rain

It was raining today, all night and almost all day. It wouldn't have mattered if I didn't have to walk twenty minutes on my way back home after work. It was not so much rainy as it was windy, therefore after 10 meters attempting to walk with an umbrella, I had to swear once or twice and give it up.

I believe that was a sign, from God possibly. It was one of the best walks in the rain I've ever had - a purifying one. I walked and at one point I started crying. I walked and cried till I got home, it actually felt so good that I wanted to keep on walking.  It does relieve you from a lot you know, it is amazing, I might get addicted to it even. But what am I going to turn into - a big crying baby? People go to the gym to release the stress, I would simply walk and cry in the dark. Funny.

Was it the Rain that made me burst out? Hardly. Everything else BUT the Rain. The Rain was the washing-away power which would help me get up tomorrow morning and keep up with this shit routine and fake smiling. I could only wish I was naked, probably the purifying effect would have been twofold. Probably.

"Breaking The Habit"

Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again

[Bridge:]
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again

[Bridge:]
I dont want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

[Bridge:]
I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends

[Chorus:]
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
Tonight 

'I hate that part'

I'm a fighter but sometimes it gets me too - I can keep myself together and encourage everyone around for so long but then suddenly I'll break down. And what I really hate is that itchy feeling in my eyes - that one right before tears start filling them up. The ever more absurd thing is that I get down so easily by slight embarrassment or tiny situation which did not go the way I planned. Ah, now I remember why I started hating planning and refused to do it - it is simply disappointing because, come on, how many of your plans do actually materialize in that same way you imagined them in your head? So, okay, planning sux, I won't do it, so I guess I'll be safe. What about embarrassments? You cannot protect yourself from them. They happen and weirdly enough they feel as bad as if you have just fallen on your face in the middle of some central city square, almost every time, almost regardless of their nature and fatality. What am I to do then; how do I deal with darned embarrassment issue? Should I put my guard down? Should I feel shit for the rest of the week (just for the record - it's only Monday!)? I know what I need ... A good laugh with someone fun' n 'funny! Anyone?